Of all the things I wanted to be growing up, I wanted to be a mother...of three boys. Never did it cross my mind that I would ever have a girl. I was the girl that played with dolls, but never combed their hair or dressed them in dresses. Nope it was always shorts and a shirt. While my friends embraced their femininity, I found it hard to fit in that way. I was a tom boy of sorts. Sarge would tease that I was the little boy he always wanted. I hung out with him in the garage more than in the kitchen with Mami. Don't get me wrong, I sometimes enjoyed being a girly girl, but for the most part I embraced competition, sports, and friendships with boys. While I could be friends with other girls I somehow found myself more at ease chatting with the boys about sports. Then came the teenage years and I found my femininity and love of fashion, but it was a long time coming.
So here I am with a two- year old daughter who's closet looks like Pepto-Bismal exploded in there. Her shoe collection resembles that of Carrie Bradshaw's on Sex in the City. When she wakes up she wants her hair brushed and to be made "pretty". She is attracted to all kinds of baubles, necklaces, and tiaras. Anything decorated with a Disney Princess theme is to be obsessed over admired and appreciated. She demands wants to be put in dresses on a daily basis. I have no idea how to relate!
Maybe the reason I really had a hard time accepting having a daughter is that I know what kind of pressures a girl goes through. If your tough and ambitious and prefer jeans over a dress you are viewed as less feminine. On the opposite end of the spectrum, having the "Woe is me, someone come save me" attitude and being very feminine and "princess like" is viewed as weak and helpless. Being a girl is not easy and that is why I REALLY didn't want a girl. So what am I to do now that I have a girl and she is all things I definitely was not?
While I don't mind indulging in her very feminine side I also want to open up other ideas to her, like sports and academics. I found that encouraging her to be who she is and showing her that not everyone can be a "Princess" all the time can be the way to relate to her. I encourage her to try sports, run with her brother, rough house. I can't help but smile when her brother picks on her and she beats the crap out of him defends herself.
I want her to grew up knowing this: Beauty is in everything and a girl can gain attention not by what she looks like outwardly but what is in her heart and actions. You will always be a girl, but what you do with that knowledge is up to you.
Do you relate to your daughter? How do you encourage her to go beyond the stereotypes of a woman?
What is Flashback Friday? Well since parenthood for me started way before this blog. I blogged a lot in various places like Myspace, Babycenter Community, and Facebook. For you to better understand where I come from I have decided to bring those blogs back on Fridays. I want to be able to relate to all of you that may be going through something similar and let you know you are not alone in your feelings. I will apologize ahead of time, this is the raw stuff before I started getting better at expressing myself via blogs. Enjoy my friends.
November 15, 2005 - This marks the day I started to write my thoughts on babies and having a family in the future. I had been pretty depressed up until this point. A year earlier I had miscarried a baby. It was a rough road that no one talks about. I suffered with a lot of feelings of guilt and grief. This was the day that made me think ahead to what the future held and be hopeful. If you are interested in the ribbon below please visit here.
Today was a rather interesting day. I forgot that I was invited to my girlfriends baby shower. I think I forgot intentionally, it's been a long road to this day. I haven't been to a baby shower since I had my miscarriage almost a year ago.
I knew today was going to be a bit strange for me, and I thought I was going to be all crazy with different feelings. I was for like a moment, and then I put it all aside, because after all this was my friends day and not my pity party. Well turns out that when we got to the shower, she wasn't at her home, she had delivered the baby 2 months early! Her and the baby are doing just fine, thank god, but in that moment I felt the need to call up my ex boyfriend and tell him about our friends new baby.
I actually didn't call him up, I just left him a text message. Too chicken I guess to talk to him. Then he text me back, that's good, tell them congratulations. In that very moment I realized something. I was holding on to him and that he would never change his views on the whole, having a family and stuff. He will never be the one man I had hoped he would be. I was over it, and him and I let go at that moment. Amazing what a little clarity will do in a blink of a moment.
My friend "C" described that as sad. The final realization that it's over. I beg to differ on that I don't think it's sad, I think it's more of learning and opening other doors in your life. I'm content right now, and somewhere out there is a man who would want the same things I want and will want to share the things I want to share. For now I'm not looking, I want him to find me!
So, let me go on with my content self and go out and have a good time with old friends. So I'm off to have dinner with friends. Enjoy your moments of enlightenment my friends, don't fret!
