Gender bender...

This giant sign has been the bane of my existence these days.  Thing one gets very perplexed now when we have to use public restrooms.  He looks at the sign in which we are entering and exclaims "BUT I'M NOT A GIRL!!".  *SIGH*  Each and every single time, same conversation. 

This new behavior and observation has come to be since he started preschool.  He is now very aware of his gender. "I am a boy momma."  I hear this over and over every time I try to inch him into the "girl" restroom.  The whole time he is pulling towards the "boy" bathroom that is inches away.  This scenario could make anyone chuckle, but to me it is the reminder that I am a single mother raising a son. It's also a reminder that there are occasions in which I have to sit and explain to Thing One that:

1. He cannot do some things, because mom is not capable of going into the male restroom with him, because well I am a girl. AND
2. I don't have a male counterpart that could take him or do some of the things he desires to do. " You can't go by yourself son, you are 4!"

I don't even have a dad or brother to even say "you take him". Those moments I am aware of how important it is for him to have a good male example around.  He has Big Cheese during the week, but there are those moments when he is with Mami, Thing Two, and I that I wish I could let him in that "boy" restroom with someone trusted. 

So for now I just try my best to give him other options for restrooms.  Like the family restroom, or the Male/Female restroom above. I do a lot of speaking with him and try to get him to understand that for now, when he is with Mommy he is stuck in a female world.  But this will only last for so long.  I am trying my best to get some positive male role models in his and my life.  I am lucky to have friends with husbands who are willing to help and that is a sigh of relief at times. 

Thing One does a bring a smile to my face when he exclaims "You're not a girl! You're a Mommy"

My take away from all this is :  Don't let the limitations hinder you, learn from them. 

Believe me I'M TRYING. *sigh*

Wordless Wednesday - Diva on a Random Sunday

The Tale of Princess Heiress

I've heard that the current recession we are currently in began on or around June 2007.  That is one month before having Thing One.  I don't think I ever felt the pinch during that time at all.  Thing One had the latest baby gear, large amounts of new clothes.  Before he even came to this world, Mami threw me the biggest baby shower ever!  I had every gadget, gizmo, new trend you could possibly think for a new baby.  I have always been a careful shopper and consumer, frugal if you will, but I never imagined what the next year would bring me.  YES! BABY #2.  A mere 8 months after giving birth to what I thought would be possibly my only child I was pregnant again.

I always wanted more than one baby, but didn't know if it would even be possible for me. I had saved some of Thing One's baby clothes, gear, etc.  Let's face it I really had no time to get rid of some stuff since Thing One had barely outgrown many of the things. I was going to need these items for Thing Two on it's way.  I really wanted another boy, not just because I always related to little boys better, but I had SOOOOOOOOOO many boy clothes.  So 4 months into my pregnancy I go to the doctor, he says "BOY", I am happy.  I figure nothing will really need to be purchased except maybe extra diapers.  So two weeks after the news I go to a specialist for another sonogram.  "Do you want to know the sex?"  I was like, well I know it's going to be another boy.  I still said "SURE, WHY NOT?!" SURPRISE...a GIRL!  Oh my word, I was thinking NO WAY!  I had them check every time I got a sonogram to make sure the technician was correct. 

A Girl.  What was I going to do with a girl!?!  Ok, so then I wrapped my mind around having a sweet little girl, and I was ok.  That is until I thought of all the spending I was going to have to do on PINK...yes PINK.  EEEK!  I've never been a lover of the color pink.  So I figured, if strangers always asked about Thing One by starting  "How cute she is!".  That always perplexed me since he was in head to two in powder blue. So if they thought he was a girl, nothing wrong in sharing a little blue with my baby girl. 

I felt more of the economy taking a hold of me then.  I didn't lose my job, but people all around me were losing a job, a house.  Income that was spent frivolously was now being watched like a hawk. During this time Mami was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I had to take some time off of work to help take care of her after her mastectomy and treatment afterwards. That was really tight on my budget and I was thinking, my goodness my baby is due in 8 weeks!

There was no real time to have Mami do a huge baby shower like we had for Thing One.  Not only was money tight, but it would require that I help because Mami was having difficulty physically.  I felt the same, I was large and tired.  Not only because of the pregnancy but the sheer exhaustion from raising a toddler.  So it looked more and more that Thing Two was going to be wearing powder blue for a majority of her infancy. My co-workers did have a baby shower for me at work, and I did get a few things that were girlie and pink.  It was quite nice and I was getting use to the whole girl thing.

Fast forward to our current situation.  I am still working, thank goodness but raising two children is not cheap.  Often times Thing Two will be wearing last years blue footsie pajamas that Thing One grew out of.  Mami calls Thing Two "Princessa Heredera" (Princess Heiress).  I still purchase a few cute girlie outfits, because it's fun.  I just won't break the bank doing so.  Yes, she wears boy clothes, with a girl flair.  Mami often feels bad that she inherits all of Thing One's jeans, shirts, etc.  I'm sure I wouldn't be as cautious with the money if it were a better time, for now she will wear a Spider Man shirt and jeans with cute red bows in her hair.  She is my budget baby, Princess Heiress. :)  Nothing wrong with that, just some way in dealing with the new economic situation.  I just explained to Mami, this has been done generation after generation.  She is not getting hand-me-downs, she is getting well loved, comfortable clothes. :) 

So what have you had to change given the new economic circumstances of this country?  Have you put a positive spin on it?

You have a WHAT?!?!

Last night as I do every night I was bathing both Thing One and Thing Two.  I've never found it odd that I bathe my children together, even if they are a boy and girl, it's never been an issue for me.  Actually it was for the most part a time saver.  Two kids, one bath, killed two birds with one stone.

Back to last nights bath.  Since Thing One has been potty trained he has this quirk that he pulls at his private part all the time.  I've read this is pretty normal, for me it's mostly the fact that he yanks it so hard he may hurt himself one day.  So as I have always done I gently remind him that he does not need to touch it unless he is going to the bathroom.  So there was Thing Two yanking at himself.  I finally had to say "Thing One, stop pulling at your penis!".  Thing Two is in the repeat stage and follows her brother Thing One's every movement, so you can imagine what came next.  Thing Two points to her private parts and says "PENIS!".  My thought was, ok we haven't told her the name of her part.  I told her "No Thing Two, you have a vagina".  What ensued next brought me to tears.  Thing One looks at himself and says " I have a GINA too! See!" (points to private part)  I wanted to laugh so hard, but I kept it together.  Then I repeated to Thing One that he had a penis.  Thing One in his loudest 3 year old voice says "NO! They match mommy!"  Well I almost was crying from the laughter. 

So there I am, wanting to share this with someone and so I text message Big Cheese to let him know what had happened.  I don't know if he was a little perplexed and maybe even a little disturbed by the fact that this had occurred.  He just was confused.  What do we do?  Should we have them bathe together?  I guess at that moment I realized that we had different parenting styles.  I'm all about being open with my children, letting them ask questions and having the accurate information for them.  That is why I refuse to have Thing One call his private parts "wee wee" or his "pee pee".  He knows he has a penis and now he has a name for his sister's anatomy.  I guess some people are still a little closed off and private when it comes to children learning the correct terms for their anatomy, and that's ok. 

So am I going to separate them in the shower?  I suppose eventually I will have to. For now I think it's pure and simply an observation for both of them and they are learning about the uniqueness in their own body.  Others may have other opinions about what I do, but I see nothing wrong in what I am doing so far with them.  So what did I say to Big Cheese?  Well that's easy, the same thing I do with Thing One and Thing Two.  I let him ask questions and I gave him accurate and concerete answers.  Sometimes Adults need to be approached the same way as young children. ;)

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's...Spiderman Super Why and he cooks?

I had forgotten how much as a child I loved superheroes.  Mami always thought it was an odd thing for a little girl to be into, after all it was suppose to be a "boy" thing to do. Then came Wonder Woman and all I wanted to do or be was her.  To my mom's shagrin, I dressed up as her for two Halloweens in a row! I guess Mami wanted the type of daughter that would want to do tea parties and play with barbies and dolls.  Instead I was a gender bender, I guess that's why for a long time my mom and I had a hard time connecting. 

I was the little girl in jeans and a t-shirt who grew up in a neighborhood of boys.  Occasionally I would partake of so called "girl" activities, but most of the time it was ball, tag, and being a superhero.  Then my favorite superheroes came along "Charlie's Angels".  Talk about girl power!  They always seemed to facinate me in the way they could be pretty and tough in one big swoop.

So Thing One has gotten into role playing these days. Most notably being a superhero.  It all started with Big Cheese giving him a Spiderman coloring book you can find at any dollar store.  He must have been about one and a half and he was just taken by the whole bad guy, good guy action.  The action of the characters just sucked him in.  Before I knew it he could spot a Spiderman cup, hat, shirt, action character, from several feet away before I could even see it.  "Spiman, mama...Right there!!!" 

I've never been a fan of Spiderman particularly, but if my son was embracing it, so was I. So just when I accept his facination over the webbed one I get thrown a curve.  I couldn't figure out why Thing One was always taking the question mark magnet off the refrigerator and he was acting as if he was flying around with it.  What was this new behavior?  Big Cheese then went and purchased a new series of characters for Thing One.  I asked Big Cheese what these characters where, because low and behold one particular character had a wand with a question mark on it.  "What?! He hasn't told you all about Super Why?!" Big Cheese exclaimed.  Apparently he and Thing One had been watching PBS and happen to stumble upon "Super Why"  a superhero that enjoys reading and telling stories.  I had to TIVO it since I was never home when this particular show was on.  I was really happy with Thing One embracing a character that did more than just fight bad guys. 

Thing one now has many Spiderman outfits, and shirts and shoes.  He even has a dress up cape, mask and wand to become Super Why whenever his little heart desires.  One week he wouldn't even take it off to sleep.  It was a challenge to get him anywhere without the darn cape! Although there have been many times when my heart stops and I want to stop him from leaping off couches and other things because he is acting like Super Why or Spiderman.  I don't want to discourage this play I just want his imagination to go where it takes him, SAFELY.  

Thing One is definitely all boy, that's for sure.  Although, we had to buy him a kitchen set because he loves to pretend cook as well.  So my take away from all this, let my children be who they want to be.  I don't want to put them in a box and say this is a boy or a girl activity and limit them to just that.  They are discovering so much out in this big world and how they fit into it.  So for now, I have a son who flies through the air and cooks a gourmet meal.  I'm wondering what Thing Two will discover when she reaches Two.  Maybe she will be a princess mommy who drag races.