Villians do exist...but so do Super Heros

This Sunday is going to be like any other this summer. In that same breath, it is not. You see this summer has been filled with movies that The Things and I have been looking forward to. Thing One has been looking forward to the movie Batman which was released last night. I woke up as many of you did to the news of what occurred in an Aurora, Colorado movie theatre at the midnight showing of Batman. Listening to all the news as it pours out minute by minute, overwhelms me with feelings. Feelings of anger, fear, and most of all loss. I feel deeply saddened to hear of children being shot most of all.  How does one not fear villains when they come to life?

Many media outlets have spoke  of what this will do for the movie's sales.  Other's speak of movie theatre security and it's future.  It is absolutely ludicrous how an action of one insane man has prompted so much action and dialogue of the simple act of going to see a movie at a theatre.  It is as if the villain has reached more than just those 71 injured.  The epidemic of fear has struck in so many of us.  To that thought I think, but what about those who showed such superb bravery?  Like the police officers that put injured into police cars and drove them to hospitals, rather than wait for an ambulance.

I often think of all those invisible capes we all wear.  We all have the ability to help and be brave and overcome whatever a villain's venom has touched.  So will you go to a theatre?  Will you feel safe?  Those are all questions we ask ourselves now.  I for one will not let one villain ruin yet another little boys dreams.  I will put on that invisible super hero cape, face my fears and hold that little boys hand tightly. 

As in all super hero comics the villain will go down and there will be justice.  Stand tall and brave my friends and let those invisible capes flow proudly.

Who am I?

And who will my children identify with? 

 I read the artical in the Los Angeles Times:
Latino or Hispanic? For many Americans, neither feels quite right.   It got me thinking of my own identity and that of my children.  In the article it states that many still identify with "mexican" or "chicano".  Here is where I differ.  I am born in the United States, Mami is from Ecuador, Sarge was Mexican-American.  So when in school and someone asked if I was Mexican-American I would simply say "Umm...half".  Sarge always made sure that I knew of both of my heritages but here I was having to peg myself as one or another.  Many say "Well you are American of course", which I am but it feels awkward and strange not to identify all of my ancestors. 

America, is a melting pot so I can't be the only one in this predicament. Big Cheese, the kids father is of Mexican-American background.  Technically I guess you can say Thing One and Thing Two are 75% Mexican-American and 25% Ecuadorian-American.  I can totally see why this can get difficult when census time comes or when you fill out surveys and such.  I think that is why I liked the term Latina-American.  I feel like I am not denying my roots and I am embracing my country.

Now here is one for the government to figure out a term for:  My friend Chula and her husband Tosh have two children.  Chula is German and Mexican-American. Tosh is Japanese and Mexican-American.  So then how do you determine that?  Asian-Latino American?

You just have to love the diversity!  You cannot encompass all the different mixes this country has to offer.

Do you have a particular way of identifying your families ethnicity?

Out of darkness thanks to a Diva: Mama Kat's world famous writer's workshop

This weeks prompt that I choose to write about hit home to me from Mama Kat's workshop.  I had been thinking about writing about this when the prompts came to me on Monday morning. Share a Whitney Houston song that meant something to you.
(inspired by Mama Mary). 

Saturday I was knee deep in throw up from Thing Two having the stomach flu.  It was Big Cheese's weekend with the children but Thing Two was not going anywhere.  She wanted to stay home with me, which was fine with me.  As I was throwing in yet another load of laundry that had the wretched smell of vomit I heard the phone go off.  I thought it might be Big Cheese checking in on Thing One's status.  I looked at the text, it was him. "OMG! Whitney Houston is dead turn on MSN right now!".  I spun so fast to grab the remote and of course to Twitter and Facebook.  I kept telling myself it wasn't true, it wasn't true!   I watched and felt confusion and shock.  I grew up listening to this lady and she was their at the most important time in my life when I thought I would never get out of the darkness I was in. 

Summer 2001 was one of the roughest times of my life.  I had been married for seven years with ups and downs in them, but it was officially over.  My then husband had moved out, I was alone.  We were not able to conceive any children and that was one of many of our problems that were exacerbated during this time.  I found myself questioning everything in the relationship.  Was it me? Was it him?  Could this anger be about other things.  I fluctuated from sadness to anger and back again.  Mostly I was sad, and clinically depressed. My doctor even put me on medication to help take the edge off of all the crazy feelings I had inside.  While it curbed it somewhat I really just needed to go through the steps of grieving.  Grieving the loss of hopes and dreams I had felt had died with the marriage. Mostly the hope of having children.  I was now single at 30 and quickly approaching 31. 

I had just purchased the Whitney Houston Greatest Hits album.  I loved that the two-disk album was labeled "Cool" and the other "Hot".  I played the "Cool" disk over and over and over.  Obsessive to hear about love and the pain involved along with it.  Her voice expressing every lost feeling I had.  I cried often and it was cleansing.  One day I decided to put on the "Hot" disk.  It had a lot of faster dance tunes of hers.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that the one song that helped me think of where I was going was found on this "Hot" disk. 

I heard every word, the lyrics hit me and made me smile. Whitney's voice encouraging and exciting. The song was not one of her more popular songs that everyone knew and until that moment I really had never paid attention to it.  The song was "Step by Step", a remix actually.  Very upbeat with a great dance groove. 

The next day instead of crying at home I hit the gym equipped with the lyrics of the song running through my earphones and my thoughts.  Making me think, "YES YOU CAN DO THIS, STEP BY STEP".  I worked out , I felt the energy and hope go through me.  This was not the end of my story, not the end of my journey.  Life will go on and it will not be without stumbling along the way.  I did have the choice to put one foot in front of the other and take it "Step by Step". 

Things did change for me.  I took on a new challenge in my work, I found joy in friends and family, I even went on to have two beautifully wonderful children.  One song who's lyrics touched me and one singer who made me truly feel each of those lyrics. 

So yes, I cried when I heard.  I fear that she could not find the same happiness and hope that were in those positive lyrics she sang, the ones that lifted me.  She had demons that were often spread through tabloids. You cheered and hoped that these were not true and that eventually she would find her way.  In the end only she and God know what exactly went on in her last hours and how she felt. 

I can say this:  Thank you Whitney for giving me that song and singing it with all your heart and soul, it saved me from staying where I was.

What was your favorite Whitney song and why?

As always Thursdays posts brought to you with a little help from:

You're doing it wrong!

Hey Mom, what is this thing the nurse put me in???!!

The title of this is exactly what I heard the nurse say to me as I swaddled Thing One and she looked on. You would think that as a new mom I would have been more compliant and done things as the nurse was saying to do. The thing is that I had swaddled many babies by this point, just not my very own. The nurse kept saying "no tuck his hands in". Again she had no clue what I was doing. For the brief couple of hours I had been with my son I noticed he was comforting himself by grasping his hands in front of his face and sucking the top of his tiny knuckles. To me it only seemed obvious to swaddle him with his little grasped hands in front of him to keep him calm. I really resented that nurse for telling me I was swaddling my child wrong, when she had no idea who I or my child were.

Ahhhh!!! this is so much better, thank you Mommy!

I have read my share of baby books and debates on everything from circumcision, diapers, bottles, pacifiers, day care, babysitting, treating colds, preventing colds, toddler tantrums, discipline, potty training. I will tell you this, all that reading never prepares you thoroughly for your own children. It is helpful in some situations and you try the methods others have suggested. I am not closed off to other opinions and suggestions, I just know my own children.

I think that is why it bothers me when I hear or read posts in which a mother is being criticized by her methods of parenting. Just because it may be different than your own parenting ways does not make it wrong. I have had my share of debates about certain things that I feel may be dangerous for a child, but a debate is different than straight criticism. 
I have a friend Pretty Eyes who is very protective of her son who is merely a month older than mine. When it comes to parenting I have to say I'm a little more relaxed than she is. Is it wrong? No, by no means. She has ALWAYS been more cautious and wiped everything with antiseptic wipes. When we were child free we walked barefoot on the streets after a long night of dancing. I went home and crashed on the couch, and she scrubbed her feet, rinsed and scrubbed them again at three in the morning. When we were pregnant. She spent most of her time away from people who were sick, rested a lot, and was very vigilant of her diet. I was around tons of people, many who might have been sick, and ate everything in sight! Recently Thing One had a swimming pool birthday party and while my son had trunks on hers had a full body suit with extra sunscreen. I find nothing wrong with her methods. They are different than mine, yes. I have heard many criticize her and other parents like her, say things like "she isn't letting him do things"  blah, blah, blah.

Well what you don't know is Pretty Eyes had a son before this one. He was born premature, he was sick for the first month of his life. He had some health complications and she fought to keep him as healthy as possible. He was doing well until he was about 4 months old. He fell ill and he left us all much too soon.


You never know the reason why parents make choices in how they parent a child. It may be that they know their children's quirks the moment they are born, it may be that this parent's personality is the reason they do things a certain way, or it may be that you want nothing to happen to your child because of the loss you feel. Parents are humans with feelings, so "suggest nicely" and "don't criticize harshly". You may never know what is behind that parents logic if you don't put yourself in their situation with their children.  So parents when you hear someone say you are doing it wrong all you have to say is, that may be true for you but not for my children and I. :)

Being Vigilant

The story of a toddler falling to his death at Staples center after a Laker game got me very upset.  Not for the reason that many of you might think it would upset me.  I read comments on another news link that throughly upset me.  I'm sure most of these people were asking what most of us ask in our mind but they posted it for all to see.  One comment was "Why wasn't this kid on a leash!" another was "Where the hell where this kid's parents?" another statement was "These negligent parent's should be remorseful and go to hell"

I don't know how you can make those statements without having all the facts of the situation.  You don't know if that childs family might read them.  How do you make such blatent statements without thinking of how powerfully hurtful those words can be to this family. 

I have two children about the same age and I can honestly say, I have not always been as careful with my kids.  Just the other day I was putting the children in the car and in my mad dash of buckle, strap, check time, hurry I forgot to buckle my son all the way into his carseat.  I didn't realize he was not buckled into his car seat until we got to our destination.  I felt horrible, shaken, thinking about all that could have happened because I forgot to buckle his carseat.  I wanted to cry.  Luckily my beautiful son was not hurt, we did not get into a car accident, and he was sitting there kissing me and smiling at me.  

There have been many instances where I have not always been the most careful with my children, but I try to do what I can being a single mother with two very busy toddlers.  We can't all be perfect, we are human and children are curious, busy and FAST.  Before you can reach them they can be gone, running towards danger.  No matter what you think of these parent's actions, one thing is clear, they lost a child tragically.  No amount of negative comments will bring that child back or make the parents feel any more remorseful than they already are.  You say "Those parent's should have been more vigilant"  I say "Why aren't you more vigilant of what you say". 

My heart goes out to this family.