That moment...

Today's blog is inspired by the Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop:

Happy almost Mother’s Day! Share a parenting moment where you really began to realize what this mothering thing is all about.

Everyone has a different story about how the KNEW they were a mother.  A true sense of the word.  People define it in many terms and with different degrees of emotion.  I have a slew of moments this occurred.  Like the time the nurse told me I was swaddling Thing One wrong.  What a a few of us experience though is much different than our counterparts that are married.  It is called the "Single Mom" moment. 

 Big Cheese and I had been apart since Thing Two was 4 weeks old.  There I was, trying to breast feed a newborn and ripping her off my breast to go rescue Thing One from falling off a couch he had climbed.  I cried on the floor  along with my babies that morning.  Not just from the burning pain in my breast, but because I was alone with two very young children.  It felt surreal, because my plan never included being alone.  Yet there I was crying along with both of my babies wondering if I would ever get through this moment.  I vowed never to be alone with them.  Mami was always there to help out with Thing One.  She kept him entertained while I breast fed, or focused attention on my very newborn Thing Two. When venturing out I always had a friend, a family member, or Mami to help when Thing One would wander off aimlessly as I tried to put Thing Two in her car seat.   

August 2009, was when Thing One turned two.  He had been watching Nick Jr. and a song about the beach came on.  He was hyper focused and would talk incessantly about the beach and how he wanted to go. A mother will do anything for her children who was I to say no. On his birthday I planned to take him to a local beach that was kid friendly called "mother's beach".  It is more of a bay than anything, but they have life guards, and plenty of play things for small children.  I asked Mami to go with me, but she has never been a lover of walking in sand and her mobility was a concern to her.  It was a weekday, which meant all of my friends were working.  Only one thing to do at that point, go with the children by myself.

I packed up the car, planned every minute of that day.  How do I keep them safe?  What if something happens, what is my plan of action?  Self talk that came up a lot: "Breathe, you can do this, it is what Thing One has been looking forward to". 

There were moments in the day when I thought I was going to lose it. Like when Thing Two toppled over in the sand while sitting and got it in her face. In the mad rush to wash her off, Thing One decided to throw a tantrum and not want to go to the water. I must have looked like a mad woman dragging a screaming toddler and carrying a crying baby. Then there was the moment that while in the water Thing One slipped under the shallow water and I couldn’t get his little hand fast enough to pull him up. The look on his face was of fear and relief at the same time. I recognized that look on him because that is how I  had felt most days since Big Cheese had been gone.

Woo Hoo! Let's hear it for tantrums!:

At the end of the day I had a happy Thing One and we all survived our first outing with just the three of us. When I sat down and thought of it all I realized I could do this single mom thing.  Is it hard? By all means YES!  Could I do this alone? YES!

When your a mother, there is no time to fear or to doubt.  Sometimes you just have to face those fears that lay inside your mind and do what your heart is telling you to do for those you love the most.  It means sacrificing and growing.  That day I knew that despite my support system, I could raise these children and that all would be ok, even if it didn't seem like it at that moment. 

I am glad I went through that moment to become a better mother, and to tackle my fears. Since then The Things and I have gone on to many adventures together, just the three of us. No more crying on the floor.

The joy that will forever be burned in my head that day:

Happy Mothers day to all my fearless moms.

What was your "mom" moment?

Inspiring me to write my life story:

Wordless Wednesday: A date I made a decision. KISMET

They were meant to be mine.

Buried in Papers and Tears

Big black bold letters on the pretty colorful envelope that was given to me made me freeze. Figuratively and physically, I just froze holding the large packet.

“FOSTER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL”

My goodness I wanted to cry. I held back because after all, a grown woman crying in a school cafeteria is not conducive to the appearance of a mature motherly type.  Wasn’t it just the other day that I was wiping the drool from Thing One’s chin after all the teething that he was doing?  Didn’t I just wean him off a pacifier?  Didn’t he just learn to say Momma? UGH!  Of course not a tear was shed in the cafeteria, but my soul was crying.  Joy, sadness, and sheer panic settled in the pit of my stomach. 

A part of me was mad as well.  What the heck!  It’s only April! First Kindergarten meeting for early registration is well on it is well on its way in many school districts.  Children do not start school until August and the children and I are just starting to enjoy the longer days of sunshine and I am being forced to think of Fall already.

I am a planner by nature, but this I was not planning to do so far in advance.  Let me keep my baby boy!  Let me snuggle more, let us play silly face longer without the rush of homework or grades looming over us!  Let me play a little longer with my boy with no academic pressure if we are doing the right things together.  He will be buried in paperwork and thinking and growing.  I know this.  I cannot help but think that I am losing a part of him, just like he lost his cherub cheeks over the course of the last year. 

Now, don’t get me wrong I’m a fairly sane woman.  I know he needs to be in school and I know very well I need to let go a little at a time, but no one said it would be easy.  I know he is ready for this and I need to start loosening that blanket of security that I have had him swaddled all these years.  I just hope the school doesn’t mind a few salty stain tear drops on the mountains of papers I am to turn in to them.

Welcome new chapter for both Thing One and I.  Come August we will both be Kindergarten ready.  Or at least he will be. *sniff* *sniff*

Blogversary Part Deux...

Two years go by so quickly and yet they stand still.  I still remember why I wanted to blog.  It was a personal journey.  My heart and mind were swirling and I was trying to grasp at what my role was as a single mother of two very young children.  Nothing ever really prepares you for the struggle of trying to negotiate with an ex partner over children who you love deeply. My hopes and dreams ever since I can remember was to have a family that included a father a mother and children all under one roof.  So coming to grips with the fact that I would be a single parent has been one of those moments when you don't necessarily give up, but you have to decide to move forward. 

Through it all my two babies have grown almost unscathed and have had a very normal childhood.  We've had bumps and heart wrenching moments along the way, yet here I am writing to say "it's okay". 

Parenting is never easy, add hurt feelings and broken relationships and it gets sticky.  Big Cheese and I have compromised and we have learned to put things aside for the most important things in our lives: Thing One and Thing Two.  Sure there are still obstacles to overcome, but I have learned a lot as I am sure Big Cheese has.

To all of you who take time to come and read my little blog, thank you.  You have often left encouraging notes and have empathized with whatever craziness I am going through.

So to another year of mountains to climbs and put my little blog flag on! :)

CHEERS!



Summer of love and patience: Mama Kat's world famous writer's workshop

One of this week's writing prompts for Mama Kat: Remember Summer?  Share a photo from last Summer that brings you back.  Read on:

In Southern California it goes without saying that we are blessed with wonderful weather almost always.  For the last couple of days it has been dreary, cloudy and cold, much to my chagrin.  So when the opportunity came up to be nostalgic about summer I jumped at the chance. 

I couldn't pick just one picture that I loved about last summer.  There was so much chaos during that tumultuous time last year.  My put-put of a car finally gave it's last breaths in June 2011 (RIP little silver bullet). I was in no way shape or form financially ready at the time to purchase a form of transportation and was just in bad shape. I took a bus and got around and I even got through getting a car by the end of the summer.

Being without a car really put things in perspective. I slowed down, I figured things out for the kids and how to get us to where we needed to be.  We visited parks and enjoyed the sun and the view from a bus.  Life seemed to slow down and remind us to appreciate what was there.  The funny part as I was browsing through our summer pictures was that the pictures where the kids were playing on a playground were taken when we took the bus.  The one's with them at the sprinkler were taken once we had a car.  No big difference in the joy and happiness in either of those pictures.

So for that summer I learned to slow down enjoy the moments of fun and sun. 

What is your favorite memory of summer 2011?

As always on a Thursday this post is brought to you by:

Out of darkness thanks to a Diva: Mama Kat's world famous writer's workshop

This weeks prompt that I choose to write about hit home to me from Mama Kat's workshop.  I had been thinking about writing about this when the prompts came to me on Monday morning. Share a Whitney Houston song that meant something to you.
(inspired by Mama Mary). 

Saturday I was knee deep in throw up from Thing Two having the stomach flu.  It was Big Cheese's weekend with the children but Thing Two was not going anywhere.  She wanted to stay home with me, which was fine with me.  As I was throwing in yet another load of laundry that had the wretched smell of vomit I heard the phone go off.  I thought it might be Big Cheese checking in on Thing One's status.  I looked at the text, it was him. "OMG! Whitney Houston is dead turn on MSN right now!".  I spun so fast to grab the remote and of course to Twitter and Facebook.  I kept telling myself it wasn't true, it wasn't true!   I watched and felt confusion and shock.  I grew up listening to this lady and she was their at the most important time in my life when I thought I would never get out of the darkness I was in. 

Summer 2001 was one of the roughest times of my life.  I had been married for seven years with ups and downs in them, but it was officially over.  My then husband had moved out, I was alone.  We were not able to conceive any children and that was one of many of our problems that were exacerbated during this time.  I found myself questioning everything in the relationship.  Was it me? Was it him?  Could this anger be about other things.  I fluctuated from sadness to anger and back again.  Mostly I was sad, and clinically depressed. My doctor even put me on medication to help take the edge off of all the crazy feelings I had inside.  While it curbed it somewhat I really just needed to go through the steps of grieving.  Grieving the loss of hopes and dreams I had felt had died with the marriage. Mostly the hope of having children.  I was now single at 30 and quickly approaching 31. 

I had just purchased the Whitney Houston Greatest Hits album.  I loved that the two-disk album was labeled "Cool" and the other "Hot".  I played the "Cool" disk over and over and over.  Obsessive to hear about love and the pain involved along with it.  Her voice expressing every lost feeling I had.  I cried often and it was cleansing.  One day I decided to put on the "Hot" disk.  It had a lot of faster dance tunes of hers.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that the one song that helped me think of where I was going was found on this "Hot" disk. 

I heard every word, the lyrics hit me and made me smile. Whitney's voice encouraging and exciting. The song was not one of her more popular songs that everyone knew and until that moment I really had never paid attention to it.  The song was "Step by Step", a remix actually.  Very upbeat with a great dance groove. 

The next day instead of crying at home I hit the gym equipped with the lyrics of the song running through my earphones and my thoughts.  Making me think, "YES YOU CAN DO THIS, STEP BY STEP".  I worked out , I felt the energy and hope go through me.  This was not the end of my story, not the end of my journey.  Life will go on and it will not be without stumbling along the way.  I did have the choice to put one foot in front of the other and take it "Step by Step". 

Things did change for me.  I took on a new challenge in my work, I found joy in friends and family, I even went on to have two beautifully wonderful children.  One song who's lyrics touched me and one singer who made me truly feel each of those lyrics. 

So yes, I cried when I heard.  I fear that she could not find the same happiness and hope that were in those positive lyrics she sang, the ones that lifted me.  She had demons that were often spread through tabloids. You cheered and hoped that these were not true and that eventually she would find her way.  In the end only she and God know what exactly went on in her last hours and how she felt. 

I can say this:  Thank you Whitney for giving me that song and singing it with all your heart and soul, it saved me from staying where I was.

What was your favorite Whitney song and why?

As always Thursdays posts brought to you with a little help from:

An only child experiencing Sibling Rivalry

Oh sure they look sweet up there ^ , all sugar and spice and everything is nice. That reality is farther from the truth.  This was a brief and eluding moment in Thing One and Thing Two's everyday existence.  For the most part it is what I experienced the other morning with them as I was trying to get them out the door.

Thing Two *sitting on the toilet* :  Mommy I on the potty, ok.
Thing One *standing over sink brushing his teeth*: DON'T SAY POTTY!
Thing Two *singing voice*: POTTY! POTTY! POTTY!
Thing One *annoyed and yelling*: NO STOP! STOP SAYING POTTY! MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMY!

Me *Sigh*: Both of you stop.  Thing Two finish going potty and stop saying potty.  Thing One doesn't want to hear it.  Thing One, just ignore your sister and finish brushing your teeth.


Now I am certain this is normal for those of you who have had siblings growing up.  The fight over who is mom's favorite, the one that gets the attention.  It's a constant battle of what is yours and what is mine.  Trying to fit in, where you can get in.  That was not my experience.  I was an only child for the most part.  My parents had me and I had a slew of half siblings that were far older than I.  As a matter of fact I had nieces and nephews either older or a few years younger than I.  I was what people refer to as a lonely only.  I often longed for siblings close to my age to play with.  Often I would watch families with children close in age with envy.  For the most part I play referee trying to understand how a simple thing like a look or word can send them over the edge.

I guess it is safe to say that I am learning along with my children what the sibling experience is all about.  Who would have known it was going to be this hard to just have them get along.  Sure they get along like the picture above but and that is what gives me hope.  When one is without the other they ask where they are and if they are ok, and how much they miss their sibling.  It gives me hope that someday down the line the fights will be few and the love will be plenty.

Is there something that you never experienced growing up that you have had to learn now as a parent?

This is NORMAL.

The cheerleader: Mama Kat's world famous writer's workshop

So because lately I've slacked...and by slacked I mean just brain farted when it comes to my writing in the blog I decided to take on Mama Kat's Pretty World Famous Writer's workshop challenge.  She is great at throwing out some ideas to get the juices flowing.  This weeks workshop:  Who were you in High School? Read on...

High School.  That was some 20 odd years ago, but who's counting right?  I was the peppy, high spirited girl with the smile always.  I wasn't particularly mean to anyone.  You can ask any of my million facebook friends from High School and they might say the same thing.  I may have even gotten the reputation of party girl at one point.  I have no idea how that got around.  In all sense I was figuratively the typical teenager. 

Except for one thing, everyone perceived me as just the peppy, happy girl.  They had no idea that I struggled for a very long time with my appearance.  I wanted to be that stick straight girl that all the other girls were. Self conscious does not even begin to explain how I looked at myself.  These days that would be could called body morphic disorder.  Fat, plump, thunder thighs, and boobs.  This is what I saw staring at me in the mirror.  Do you see the picture above? That's me, fat. Yes F-A-T.  What I would give to be that fat again.  I really hated my body.  It seems ridiculous now that I look at this picture.  Yes, my body was different than everyone else in school.  My body was that of a typical Latina.  Hips, legs and a chest.  Heredity was the owner of that body. 

I was the typical teenager alright.  Wanting to fit in anywhere, not comfortable in my own skin.  Awkward feeling inside and out.  Did I mention that in high school I suppressed a lot of what my brain could accomplish?  I wasn't a genius by no means.  I was however fairly intelligent.  I limited the things I could do so as not to appear as geeky as I truly was.  I have always been and will always be a geek at heart. 

I wish this song would have come out while I was in high school:

I would have more confidence in knowing that there was more than just being pretty or peppy or well liked by everyone.

 

So what has changed?  I don't give a rats ass what people think of me or how they perceive me anymore.  It's been a long road, but I've learned that people will see you the way they want to see you.  You however know deep down inside who you are. I wish my mom could have explained that to me as a teenager.  I think that's why it's my mission to tell my kids that you will feel left out of certain crowds in high school and that you will second yourself many many times.  The only thing they need to know is to trust their heart and know that whoever they are...they will always be amazing to the important people in their lives.  Themselves.

Who were you in High School?  Would you let your child be the same way in High School? 

Wordless Wednesday: Proud

New Years resolution

So a new year is upon us. Time for the resolutions to come up.

- Diet to get healtier and thinner
- Get a better job
- Go back to school
- Be more patient with the children
- Be more organized

etc., etc, etc...

How about just being kind and Paying it forward? This my friend is mine for 2012

Watch this, this guy is amazing:



So, are you with me people?

It's time for my children to watch and learn to be kinder and better people in this world.

Frozen in Time... September 11, 2001

10 years go by so quickly, yet they stand still in many instances.  Like the moment I stood in front of a television frozen. Frozen by the image of a plane slamming into the Twin Towers and thinking, could this really be happening?  I was 30 years old, going through a divorce already and childless.  I remember that moment, when hot tears could not come out of my eyes because I could not process what I was watching and feeling.  It took a whole week before I could cry and release it all.  I was one of many who felt overwhelmed and questioned what life had ahead of them and for this country. 

I sit here ten years later at the age of 40, finding my way into a new relationship and a mother of two loving busy children, and yet I still cry and I remember.  I remember what was lost, innocence, fathers, mothers, uncles, spouses, children, security, dreams, hopes.  I also rejoice in what 10 years has brought some of us.  It brought, resilience, new hope, new dreams, rekindled dreams, strength, neighbors, new families, new borders, new safety policies.  We have all come far. 

10 years…Never forget that day, but honor it as a positive memory.  Remember those survivors who dusted themselves off and progressed forward despite everything that happened that day.  Honor those lost by finishing their work and making this a better kinder place. 

My children will know that they are here because of that day.  I rekindled my dream of having children someday and reaching that degree.  Done! And DONE!  Let’s see what the next ten years will bring.   

The wheels on the bus that humble and other life experiences.

This fabulous monster is what has been my main form of transportation the last couple of months.  My car finally took a turn for the worst and is ending up resting in peace in the cemetery of twisted metal that is a junk yard.  While for most people this may not be the end all of existence in the city, it is if you live in Los Angeles.

This city plain and simply was not built for the ease of public transportation.  It has improved vastly in the last couple of years.  However it is not conducive to work with a schedule of a single mother of two who's normal commute to work is an hour each way on a normal day, without having to take a bus.  In order to get to work I was having to get up at an ungodly hour, schlep myself to a bus stop, wait in the darkness of the morning, take three buses only to end up 20 minutes from my start time.  Two hours of commuting, if I was lucky to catch the bus on time.  *SIGH* 

I have missed a bus and by missed I mean TOTALLY missed it.  I got home at 8.  Just enough time to pick the kids up, bathe them and put them to sleep.  I cried that night.  Big Cheese has been more of a hindering factor than a helping one in all this.  I asked for help and I got the "I am busy with my life, it's not my weekend, you deal with it"  speech.  It was actually an angry tirade that set me back.  I felt alone and just defeated.  I did a lot of crying, a lot of praying.  I had to figure out life, how to get me and The Things to and from all of our various activities, how I was going to come up with some reliable transportation. 

It is in the moments like this that you know who is really there for you.  I had a car for a few weeks from a family friend that is like a big brother.  He was going through his own set of difficulties and yet he helped me out.  He had gone to Mexico with a friend to visit his wife and young child, only to find his wife sick.  Turns out she has leukemia and he was staying longer to take care of her.  He saved me a couple of weeks of grief from riding the metal monster of the bus.  I have had a co-worker help me get home at a decent time occasionally.  She has a son and is a single mom and knows all to well how I was missing my babies.  Then there is the friend from Facebook who I know through her brother and mostly through posts and comments on each other's status.  She saw the post where I was on the bus and how I was people watching.  She sent me a message "I do nothing all day, I can give you a ride".  Raw in delivery but the sentiment was felt deeply.

Then there is T.  T is my source of support, my spouse in a spouse less relationship.  She made arrangements as much as she could so I wouldn't be on the bus all the time.  Then there was the slew of people keeping an eye open for a newer used car on sale.  Like Pretty Eyes, who gave me her dad's number and now I am a day closer to a newer set of wheels. 

I have been humbled, brought to tears, and then redeemed by the love of friends and family.  Life's lessons are hard to swallow, especially when there are little ones involved.  I am just glad I am seeing the light of day finally and that the Things and I will be off to new adventures again.  Minus a bus. :)

What challenges have you had as a parent?  What or who saved your sanity during that trying moment?

The end of an era... *SNIFF, SNIFF, SIGH*

Let me just start off by saying that I apologize for my long hiatus from my lovely blog.  There have been circumstances in my un-virtual world that have caused me a lot of reflective thinking and I've become a cyber-space hermit.  I will post in a later blog of what I have been reflecting on.  But now on to more important issues:

Thing One graduated from Gymboree this Saturday.  What's Gymboree?  Clothes? NO!  It's been the best mommy and me experience for my kids and I.  When I was a preschool teacher way before kids I remember hearing parents talk about the nice experience they had taking their children their and all the stuff they did.  Then came the time I was home alone with my first baby, going bonkers.  All of my friends pretty much had school age children or teenagers, so I had no idea how to connect with them at this time in my life.  I really felt isolated and in dire need of letting my inner social butterfly to GET OUT. 

I hopped on to the website for Gymboree Play and Music out of curiosity.  I searched to see where the nearest facility was and just to observe.  They offered a free first time class and it so happened they had one for infants.  I had to get out, I had developed carpal tunnels which was painful, the baby crying, and feeling isolated, well I just had to. 

I walked into a brightly colored space with Thing One tightly wrapped in my arms.  I was greeted by the biggest brightest smile from Kristen.  She was the teacher on Saturdays and for the next three some odd years for my darling children.  The first day we attended Thing One was 3 months old and he was a fidgety, crying stressed out baby.  Kristen explained that sometimes the stimulation caused all that crying and that it would go away eventually.  It did and he eventually came to think of Gymboree as his home away from home.  We all did.  This experience was not just for him but for Mami and Me. 

In the three odd years that we have been going faithfully to Gymboree we developed life long friendships with many of the families.  Thing One has grown in those years and learned so much while he was there.  He rolled over on the first time while in class.  He cruised around the foamy mats and did his famous army crawl.  He mastered climbing on and off the structures, which I'm sure is why he never fell off the bed, he knew how to do it right.  He sang his first words, only to babble incessantly at the age of 2.  He learned to make friends and take turns.  He lost his fear of crawling through a tunnel and graduated to leaping off the climbing structure. 

So when his teacher left Gymboree it felt like it was time to go.  The class didn't have the same feel after Teacher Kristmas (As Thing One would refer to her) was gone.  I started to notice that Thing One had no real interest in the classes and well we already had started soccer and many more activities were opening up to his age in the community.  I decided to pull him out of the program and take on other challenges.  It was a hard decision to make.  He simply outgrew Gymboree and he was now becoming a preschooler.

His last day was this Saturday.  I had a rush of memories and all that had gone on in the three years that had transpired.  All very positive and I realized it was time to let go.  I had some tears that morning.  My baby boy was now a preschool boy.  Thank you to my Gymboree family!  You will never know how much sharing we have done watching our kids grew together.  On to the next chapter...

First class 11/2007

Last but not least...His last review at Gymboree...we will miss you Gymbo, thanks for all the memories, friendship, and family!

What's in a word?

So, lately I have been reading a lot about being a single parent and all that entails. I think I'm really getting confused. I KNOW that I don't have a partner in my love life, that's an obvious YES. The problem comes when I read about "single" parents who are truly "single".

While I was struggling with a newborn and a 17 month old baby on my own I did very much feel like a single parent. Big Cheese would do the occasional visit and sometimes take Thing One for a few hours to where he was at. Still, it left me quite alone going crazy and knowing that the kids depended solely on me. It took almost two years until Big Cheese and I could come up with a comparable arrangement for both of us to have the children a reasonable amount of time. It also took two years of struggling about how we would divide financial responsibility with regards to our children. It has been a long road, and I am pretty sure there will be bumps in the road ahead but at least the lines of communication are opened.

Those first two years I did honestly feel like a "single" parent. I really didn't have that much support from the children's father emotionally or financially. He was there but very rarely for the kids. It was really rough and I thought back to those days and reflected to where we are now.

I feel "single parent" has the connotation for me as being alone with no help from the other parent at all, and doing it ALL on your own. The truth is I am not alone. I am blessed at the moment to have Big Cheese very involved with the raising of the children. He sees the children almost on a daily basis and every other weekend they spend the night at his home. He comes to special functions for the children's activities. He calls them to speak to them when they are not with him. We have figured out who pays for what and when one of us is short the other can't cover the spending the other compensates. We discuss about what we want for the kids in the future and how we should plan ahead for them with money, etc.

Somehow we have gotten to the point that we are no longer single parents. We have started to become like any other set of parents, except for the fact that there is no romance and we have two different homes. So I guess this is where I feel the term "single parent" doesn't work for me. I'm thinking "co-parent" works much better for me. We aren't married, but we definitely want what's best for our children. So I am no longer riding the roller coaster of single parenting. I am riding the roller coaster of co-parenting.

*insert cheesy smile HERE*

Single mom: "NOT FEELING GUILTY"

It has been almost two months that I have had every other weekend off of my mommy duties.  Big Cheese has been really good about taking the Things and we have had a better understanding of each others responsibilities.  I have read a lot of blogs of single parents who truly feel guilt as well as sadness when their children go with the other parent's home.  I often think there must be something wrong with me, because I truly don't feel that way.  I have friends who are single parents as well tell me I would be sad and that I would miss them. 

Nothing could be further from the truth.  The first weekend I had without the children I did things I hadn't done in a while:

• I cleaned out rooms, sorted clothes (mine and the children's) without interruptions
• I had coffee and conversation with friends, without yelling at children to stop what they were doing.
• I exercised, and not by running after toddlers or with the help of Gymboree. 
• I sat on the couch and vegged in front of the TV staring aimlessly at shows minus animated characters and singing involved.
• I ate a hot meal that had just been served, no reheating involved.
• I stayed in my PJ's until 3 by choice, not because there was no time for a shower or ability to change.
• I showered in warm water for close to 30 minutes with no one banging at the door to get in.

Sure there was times in the day when I thought about what the Things were doing, but it had been so long since the last time I actually got to do all of the things above that I relished in it. I also figure that since they were with Big Cheese and had the opportunity to build a stronger bond with him, it was a very good thing for my babies.  I have to say I think I finally found an upside to this single/co-parenting situation.  I get some ME time to help me get in gear to be a better parent for Thing One and Thing Two.

What is your way of getting ME time?  Do you feel guilty or refreshed?

A visit to a toddler friendly library

Yes, I used TODDLER FRIENDLY and LIBRARY in the same sentence.  Shocking I know! I have been going to our local public library for a few months now in our city.  It's very small and not quite appropriate for my two toddlers.  I always got glares stares from the other school children and parents who were trying to work on homework.  The librarian always just gave me that annoyed  sympathetic  smile, as one or both of the Things were yelling about a book or just being the loud toddlers that they are.  The last time I was at that library Thing One and Thing Two had taken stacks and stacks of books out as I frantically tried to put them back as they were pulling them out.  Call it guilt, call it stress, call it a normal day at the local library.  I was on the other side of the book shelf when I heard the library page say "OH NO, those kids are here again" as he picked up yet another stack of books that was left out.  I felt tired, defeated, and just annoyed at the comment.  I vowed never to step foot in a library until the kids were old enough and quiet enough to be accepted  appreciative of it.

Two weeks had past since our last visit and Thing One came up to me after dinner "We go to library today?" *SIGH*.  He really missed the time we spent looking for books and then reading them at home. Thanks to Mommy Guilt I decided to give the library another try.  This time I thought we could go to the public library a city over.  This library was exceptional for someone with young children.  The children's library was upstairs, separate from the adult area.  So I was sure that we would not get those annoyed stares from the adults trying to read. 

Once upstairs I was pleasantly surprised.  The homework center was separate from the special section I discovered towards the back of the room.  As we walked to the back I could hear the screeches of young children and no one seemed to look over concerned.  As a matter of fact the librarian had a great smile and said hello.  She reminded me of many of the preschool teachers I had worked with before.  It was welcoming, something the Things and I hadn't felt from the librarian before.  Thing one was the first to go and explore the computer with child friendly programs.  The computer was just at their level and had a bright easy keyboard and child size mouse.  Thing Two quickly joined in the exploring of the computer programs.  Some programs had alphabet and number recognition, while others read books, or composed music from keyboard strokes.  

Thing One exploring an Alphabet recognition program



Even Thing Two could appreciate the colorful keyboard

Popping bubbles with Keyboard that made music.

There was also a great play area with blocks, puzzles, and puppets.  It resembled a school set up.  All the children's furniture was just their size, tables, chairs and soft sofas. There were also buckets and buckets of books.  No special order for the books, just board books strewn about in buckets, on tables.  No one was particularly picking these up or worried about where the books belonged. 

Figuring out a number puzzle

That's a guilty look.  Fun play house area.

So much to do.

My favorite part of the whole experience was the bathrooms were geared towards children and their was one adult bathroom.  I'm weird like that, child sized bathrooms, where I don't have to lift a child to wash hands, but can let them do it independently is a win, win situation for me.

I'm so glad that I found a library that works for us.  Neither of us were crying or throwing a tantrum (yes I do that sometimes).  It made the whole experience much more pleasant.  The things and I are on our way to story time geared for families tonight.  Stories, songs, movements, and an art project.  Great way to start off our literary experience together.

Simple Adventures

 

This giant grin from Thing One, you would think came from an adventure at Disneyland.  Oddly enough this grin was minus any animated character, complicated ride, or a whole paycheck worth of spending.  This my friends is a smile of pure joy from the most simplest activity. 

In this world of over exuberance and flashiness, "you must get the latest toy" it is the simple things that make a small child smile.  This smile was accomplished on a Sunday afternoon that I was minus a car because the darn thing was being worked on.  I needed to get a few small things for Thing Two's upcoming birthday party so I decided we were going on a new "adventure".  Our city has a local bus that can take you anywhere in the city for a total of $.40.  SWEET!  Children are free.  DOUBLE SWEET. 

I packed a back pack with snacks, diapers, wipes, and the bus schedule.  The 99 cent store is accross the street from the city park, and also where we would have to wait for the bus on the way back home.  I didn't expect both kids to be so happy and excited to get on public transportation. I normally am not excited OR happy about getting on public transportation. 

View from the bus.

We took longer to get where we were going and it took us longer to get home.  All Thing One could do would talk about the cars, the street, the people.  Amazing that the simple things we take for granted are big and great and exciting to a child.  We should all see things through the eyes of a child.  Maybe if we did we would encounter less depression and much happiness in the simpleness of life.  I'm glad I can experience these little moments through the eyes of my little ones. 

Next adventure...the subway. Where will your next simple adventure be?

The Chupy (Pacifier) Chronicles

AHEM..*Stands in front of podium and adjusts microphone*

"Hi my name is Dooritos, I am a mommy who has let her child have a Chupy (Pacifier) until the age of 2"

Yes, I feel like I need to be in an 12 step program when taking away my last babies special Chupy.  Why does it feel like I have to let her go from being my baby girl?! UGH! 

• First step:  Admit I'm powerless over the fact that my 2 year old needs a chupy and that every minute of the day has been overwhelmed with demands of this "Chupy".  When did losing a chupy put me in panic mode??!!!
• Second step:  Making the decision to finally get rid of the Chupy and letting my 2 year old get a hold of herself and comforting herself without the help of said "chupy".

Day one of operation "NO CHUPY" Step One was realized on her second birthday.  When I thought, she's a grown little girl, she talks, makes demands, and really is no longer a helpless baby.  OH MY...she still has a chupy!!!!  Ok time for intervention....TOMORROW.  :)

Why hide this beautiful smile behind a Chupy?!



Her last time with her beloved Chupy. (or so I thought)

Day two of operation "NO Chupy" went something like this:

Me: "Good Morning Thing Two! How are you?" 

Thing Two: "I want Chupy"

Me: "No you're two now.  You are a big girl and big girls don't use a Chupy"

Thing Two: " I NOT TWO! I NOT BIG GIRL!"

Me: *Blank stare* SIGH

I ignored her request and we went on to Gymboree and our normal routine, without much fuss.  Then we drove home and Thing Two fell asleep in the car.  As I was moving her from the car to her bed she woke up demanding said Chupy.  Again I said no.  This is what occurred right after:

*SIGH*  She finally calmed down and I was more exhausted from the whole ordeal than maybe she was.  It could have also have been that I had been feeling sick and the birthday party the evening before had just wasted me away to an absolute stupor.  Grandpa Big Cheese offered to take the kids over night, and I gladly handed them over.  This is the part when we fall off the wagon.  I handed Grandpa Big Cheese the much acclaimed Chupy.  I wasn't going to have him go through what I went through.  "Just give it to her tonight, I will deal with this tomorrow"  The Chupy won that time.  I felt defeated and tired.  Tomorrow would be another day.

Day three of operation "NO Chupy" went a little better. We had already limited the Chupy use months ago to just nap and just bed time.  She occasionally found one and stuck it in her mouth during these months.  All day, no Chupy requests, thank goodness!  Then came bedtime.  Thing Two requested over and over her beloved Chupy.  Finally at about 11:00 pm she fell asleep Chupy-less.  RELIEF!  Then at about three in the morning I got a visitor in my bedroom.  All I heard was a small whisper "Mommy Chuppy".  Again explained she was a big girl and put her back to bed.  An hour later she found her way back to my room "Mommy Chupy.  I sleep you?" I needed sleep, so in she went to my bed while I slept for another 30 minutes just to be awakened by my lovely alarm clock.  I think this was the point when I met the step of making a decision to let God take over. GOD, please let me get through this!!!

Day four of operation "No Chupy" was splendid.  No chupy requests, no fighting her sleep, just sleep at a decent hour.  This was a great day!

Day five of operation "No Chupy", what happened to day four!!!!  Well Thing Two stayed up until 11 pm requesting, pleading, begging for her Chupy.  I almost gave in, but I remembered the day before and the success of that day.  She fell asleep and I got no visitor that night. 

Day six, my goodness I'm exhausted!  She's exhausted too, I can see it across her face.  That night not much screaming or pleading, just a simple question, "Chupy mommy?"   Again the big girl conversation was told to Thing Two.  This time after I finished I got a sigh and an "OKAY".  Wow, that was something I didn't expect. I think she reached the acceptance step.  Then I got a visit at two in the morning, "Mommy I sleep you?".  SIGH, from me this time.  OKAY.

Today is day seven, a week from the time we both have been going through this operation "No Chupy".  It a long road but I think we both have gone through most of the process.  Eventually we will get to the point where a Chupy is no longer mentioned, like that one family member that is never spoken about at family parties.  Today, we will have ice-cream and I will remind her what a big girl she is and how proud I am of her.

I'm still exhausted, I'm still going through growing pains, but it needs to be done.  She will be ok, but it's still hard.  I'm going to hate potty training her.

What challenges have you had with your children?  Have you felt like you have been put through it with them?