Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

July 4, 2017

Mami : An American Story

In Ecuador on October 17, 1932 a baby girl was born to a young fifteen year old Ecuadorian girl and a nineteen year old Peruvian young man.  Her father's roots were said to be in Spain and her mother's family had been in Ecuador for as long as she could remember.  That baby girl was my mother.

Growing up she had several moments when her paternal grandmother would take her to visit and would take her to see Shirley Temple movies.  My Mami was consumed with everything that she saw on the screen about America.  She asked for a doll from her grandmother and the one that was purchased for her was a white doll with curly blonde hair and blue eyes.  It had been imported from America and it was one of her most cherished possessions as a child. She wanted to be Shirley Temple and wanted to see all the wonderful places in the movie.  Her dreams were to one day be taken to America to visit as promised by her paternal grandmother.  That however was never to be fulfilled. 

Life as it does always came to give her a dose of reality.  Her father left for Peru and her father's family followed shortly, to never be seen again by that impressionable little girl.  From what I remember she always had a sense of sadness when she would tell me about never hearing from them again. Following soon after, at the very tender age of 12 it took a dramatic turn, her mother died. Then it was revealed that the woman who had been raising her was not her mother, but her grandmother and that her sister was actually her mother. She went to live with her mother and she was not happy and became rather rebellious in her teen years.  

At seventeen she left home to live with a much older man who made her promises to take her to the United States at one point.  Shortly after leaving she became pregnant with her first child and named him after the first president of the United States , Washington.  She could not wait to one day be taken to the United States, to be a part of a country where her  rebellious nature in Ecuador would be seen that of an independent woman with a lot to contribute in the U.S.  Unfortunately her dreams were side tracked once again.  Living with someone older and the adult responsibilities were too much for her.  She lived unconventionally after that scraping money to get by, giving birth to two daughters afterward.  Again her love of  America was showing in the names of her daughters. American names by all accounts, Jenny and Jacquelyn.  Jacquelyn, the name of her favorite American president's wife. She told me she cried heavily when President Kennedy died.

One day in 1967, that little girl was given the opportunity to go to the United States on a visitor's visa.  Her half sister on her father's side told her she could stay with her in Los Angeles and find her some work.  She sold all her belongings, packed up her daughter Jacquelyn, said goodbye to her family, to the only country she had ever known. Her dream of coming to America came true.  

Being in America was rough, my mom understood that she was there on a visitor visa but there was no way she was ever leaving the one place she had dreamt of being since she was a child.  Not even the day that she was told that she was getting sent back to Ecuador for working under a visitor's visa. Desperate measures called for desperate times. Her and my sister went in hiding in different homes of people who she worked along side with at the factory.  These Mexican-American women, who later on in life would become my adopted family, shielded my Mami and sister to help keep that dream alive of being in a country of opportunity for them.  One of my adopted aunts introduced my mom to a man who was handsome, witty, made her laugh, and offered her the opportunity to stay in America.  He married her to help her and my sister out to be able to stay in this country.  I was born a year and a half after they were married. 

In the years that followed my Mami taught me the importance of all the opportunities I had in this country, especially being a female.  Women in her country were told they could not be a certain way or have a voice because of culture that did not believe women could offer more.  She taught me the importance of making it to the voting booth.  She would sit me in front of the television every presidential election night and would cheer like it was a soccer game for her favorite candidate.  She was the one who taught me about American government, about how president gets voted by the electoral college.  When my dad died she was even more determined to be a part of the country.  She wanted to be more than the wife of an American, she wanted to BE and American.  I still remember helping her as a teen practicing all the questions for the citizenship test.  She aced it and on April 4, 1986 my mom was sworn in as a citizen and she was an American, like she had always in her heart known she was. 
To me, my Mami IS America.  The dream of something bigger, better, and more fruitful.  So what if her English was a bit broken. So what if her last name was not Smith or Jones.  So what if she did not resemble Barbie with her dark hair and brown eyes.  She is the girl who would not miss an American movie, the teen who dreamt to make a difference with her voice, the one who loved this country with all her heart that she gave up her country of origin to be able to vote for HER president. 

I want thank her for this journey of hers, for her dream to be in this country I call home. 

Thank you for dragging me to register to vote and for talking to me about politics.  Your grandchildren have a good base to be the best Americans they can be.




May 7, 2012

First Heart Break

You know in life you always have that first heart break.  It never crossed my mind that Thing Two would experience it from the one man who should carry her heart like a delicate piece of china. Big Cheese broke her heart this weekend and I want to tear his apart for making her feel like that. 
I am typing this with bags and dark circles under my eyes. My heart breaks for my baby girl.  Saturday was her big day.  She got her first ever trophy that day. Big Cheese, no where in sight.  Las Vegas to be precise on his location.  I had a huge discussion with him about this decision. Big Cheese had known about this big day since January when the soccer schedules were given.  I would have seen it as a mere over sight had it not been for the fact that he never backed out of going. 

To top it off, it was his weekend with the Things.  He actually called me to cover for him so that he could go and he would take the next two weekends to be with the children.  I just couldn't believe he was going to miss her big day.  When I reminded him of the day and that I would cover if he still wanted to go, he said "Thanks".  I felt the blood heat up under my skin.  In my head "Thanks" was a brush off of what this would do to my little dolls heart.  I just answered "No need to Thank me, you will need to explain to the Things why you were not there".  Of course I got no answer.

Lately we haven't been seeing eye to eye on things, and this just exacerbated those feelings. He had already let our children witness their father get into my face and yell and call me names in public.  Their little hearts were suffering and all I wanted was some kind of normal for them.  We argued once more before he left.  Big Cheese thought I was just upset because he was going to Las Vegas.  This wasn't like the times before, I wasn't concerned about our family, this time it was our children.   It was a big day, a moment that is fleeting.  It will never be her first trophy ever again.  Las Vegas will always be there, but this moment is gone.  Thing Two now holds the memory of her father being absent from that moment.

You must think by now "Well she is three, she can't possibly remember anything".  All day on Saturday we were busy, happy, or so I thought.  I saw a glimpse of her searching the crowd when she got the trophy, a slight sad look.  I just left it alone, hoping it was just me that saw that look.  Sunday morning as we ate breakfast with no one but her and I eating at the table she uttered the phrase I long feared would come sooner or later, "Mommy, Daddy wasn't at my banquet.  It made me sad.  Zoe had her daddy there".  Her face was sullen and her eyes watered and filled with salty tears that I kissed away for her.  It's all I could do.  I couldn't discount those feelings.  Her little heart was broken. 

Times like these I wish he could see what he does by some of his actions.  The same actions that made me walk away from him. Only this time it was not a 39 year old woman who's heart he broke, it was a three year old sweet vivacious little girl who's heart he broke. 

I was so sad and mad.  Mad that he had the ability to chose his own interest over his children.  How does one make things better?  I don't know, but I am going to try my best to be there and to help both my children heal from all this.  I just hope the happy feelings out weigh those that reside in her heart at this moment.


April 5, 2012

Who am I?

And who will my children identify with? 



 I read the artical in the Los Angeles Times:
Latino or Hispanic? For many Americans, neither feels quite right.   It got me thinking of my own identity and that of my children.  In the article it states that many still identify with "mexican" or "chicano".  Here is where I differ.  I am born in the United States, Mami is from Ecuador, Sarge was Mexican-American.  So when in school and someone asked if I was Mexican-American I would simply say "Umm...half".  Sarge always made sure that I knew of both of my heritages but here I was having to peg myself as one or another.  Many say "Well you are American of course", which I am but it feels awkward and strange not to identify all of my ancestors. 

America, is a melting pot so I can't be the only one in this predicament. Big Cheese, the kids father is of Mexican-American background.  Technically I guess you can say Thing One and Thing Two are 75% Mexican-American and 25% Ecuadorian-American.  I can totally see why this can get difficult when census time comes or when you fill out surveys and such.  I think that is why I liked the term Latina-American.  I feel like I am not denying my roots and I am embracing my country.

Now here is one for the government to figure out a term for:  My friend Chula and her husband Tosh have two children.  Chula is German and Mexican-American. Tosh is Japanese and Mexican-American.  So then how do you determine that?  Asian-Latino American?

You just have to love the diversity!  You cannot encompass all the different mixes this country has to offer.

Do you have a particular way of identifying your families ethnicity?

March 16, 2012

Mama Kat's World Famous Writing Workshop: I do believe in the Magic of Disneyland!

One of this week’s Mama Kat’s World Famous writing prompts brought me a flood of memories.

“It happened at Disneyland… “ Read on.

Living in the city of Angels gives me an opportunity to be literally a hop skip and a jump away from the Happiest Place on Earth (also known as the most expensive, but I digress) . My first visit ever to Disneyland was one I was just a month old.  Of course this was in the days when you didn’t have to give a liver and promise for other body part upon death to get in.   We had family visiting and dad always made sure they had a trip to Disneyland.  I guess that is why I took it for granted for so many years that it was so close.  I was always excited to go, but alas it would always be there. I lost the true magic of the place somewhere and didn’t go for years.  Somewhere between high school Grad night at Disney and the one or two trips after that, I lost the love for it.
This love loss prevented me from ever wanting to go again.  That is until about two years ago.  Thing One and Thing Two fell in love with the Mickey Mouse Club House. They were sucked into the world of Disney.  DARN YOU CATCHY SONG! 
Then there were endless birthday wishes of “I want to see where Mickey and Minnie live Momma” .  There eyes pleading, begging.  How do I fight this?  Easy I looked at the prices and nearly passed out.  “What do you mean I have to pay for a 3 year old???!!! “  Commercialism at it’s best.  They wanted me to bite.  I didn’t instead I took them to Disney on Ice.  What is a single mom to do after all.  So for the next year after seeing Disney Ice they did nothing but talk about the experience and how the loved it.


 I got it folks “Parent Guilt”.  So for the next year I plotted and planned on how to make Disneyland more affordable to a single mom.  I found ways around it and saved money and I got us tickets for the most magical time of the year at Disneyland, the holidays.
People, do you know what happened?  I LOVED LOVED LOVED sharing it through the eyes of two excited little children.  Their excitement and joy was mine.  Everything was new and everything was worth seeing.  Even sharing the scary moment of meeting the characters and freaking out with Thing Two was worth every penny.  I’m already planning next year’s trip.  When the castle was lit and we were on Main Street and the man made snow fell as the gentle Christmas music played I cried.  I get it now, I get why my dad would take us all the time.  It’s not about how much he spent; it was about the magic he saw in my eyes. 




It was a wonderful 1st visit to the Magic Kingdom!

As always ROCKED to you because I love this blogger:



Mama’s Losin’ It

January 14, 2012

A letter to My Birthday Girl..


Dearest Thing Two,

Today you turn three years old.  You have officially made it through walking, feeding yourself, sleeping through the night (well almost), potty training, pacifier weaning, and you are now a full fledged toddler.  Your baby face is fading fast and I want to burn into my memory the image of the first time I laid eyes on you.  I still see those wide eyes staring back at me and I hear those very loud, boisterous  vocal cords hard at work when you yell at your brother to stop.  How can three years go so quickly? 

You my love have been the sunshine of my days as well as my biggest challenge.  It's hard to keep up with the incessant chatting at 4:30 in the morning when all you want to do is tell me stories of the things you have done, your dreams, your hopes for things you want to do.  I hope that it will always be this way.  Let me tell you one thing, it will never be easy for us to get along.  It's part of the mother/daughter  relationship.  You will want to let go and do things that I may not approve of many times.  Just know this, I do it out of love.  I may have gone down that road and failed at many of the things you will want to do.  So it is my way of protecting you of the pain and frustration of that failure.  I do have to trust that you may be capable of doing those things that I fear.  I have to trust that you will be more than anything I have done.  Just promise me that you will always have those conversations with me at 4:30 in the morning, wherever or whatever.  I promise to keep an open ear, heart, and listen to you, ALWAYS.

Just let me add one thing before I go off to get your cupcakes for you and your friends at ballet class...be nice to your brother and stop bossing him around.  He will be your best ally and friend if you just give him a chance.

Love you Mi Muñeca!

Your Mommy <3

December 31, 2011

The year 2011 in Review

Click to play this Smilebox slideshow
Slideshow design personalized with Smilebox

Wishing you all a prosperous New Year 2012, filled with hope and happiness!

December 9, 2011

Santa Baby...

It’s that time again.  Christmas is upon us and I have my annual wish list for Santa.
Dear Santa ,
Thanks for the gifts last year.  The tantrums have been down since about 6 months ago.  I know that one took a little longer to get to me, but it’s one that meant the most.  Mom is still cancer free, so thank you, thank you, thank you.  Big Cheese has finally been able to give me some “child free” days, to which I am grateful.  Even if it is just to catch up on laundry, have full control of the remote, and sleep.   Thank you for getting me that larger car. I can now take the kids places without being cramped up and worrying about breaking down in the middle of nowhere with them in tow.
So this year my list is a little bit smaller, because I am after all satisfied for the most part on how this year has turned out.
1.       A Mami helper:  Mami is getting older; she needs someone to stay close to her more often than she thinks she needs to.  I wish I could do more, but with two children and a full time job that is at a distance my time is stretched.
2.       Laundry helper:  Maybe we can combine this one with the one above.  As soon as I’m done doing all the laundry I have to start all over with this.  I just need it folded and put away which seems to be my weakness when children need to be fed or broken up from fighting with each other,  Mami needs to be shuffled off  somewhere, and just errands that need to be run. 
3.       Wine:  I need it after all of the activities listed above.
4.       A Guy A MAN :  No not a boyfriend, because Lord knows we tried that route earlier this year and that was a failure of EPIC proportions.  Just someone who checks in occasionally on all those mechanical things that I can’t figure out as much as I try to Google, or youtube. I’m a single girl idiot in that department.  Yes, even “I” am not superwoman!
5.       Good Slumber on weekends and kid free days:  I have no idea why, dang internal clock is set. I’m up earlier than roosters. It’s not fair!  I WANT to sleep, but it eludes me.  I don’t care if raccoon eyes are making a come back!  They don’t flatter me.
6.       More financial resources:  I have a job, thank goodness!  It is not that I want more money for myself, it is to do those occasional good deeds.  Pay for someone’s layaway, pay for someone’s groceries that is struggling to make ends meet.  I want to be able to spread that cheer year around.
7.       Continued health:  I know I struggle with my weight.  I need to get on the ball with this so that I can be around for the kids, the grand kids and the great grand kids.  I am healthy now, but it can get better. 
8.       Creativity:  I seem to have lost that this last year.  I wrote quite often, I crafted with the kids more before.  Can you help me find it this year? I miss it.
9.     For continued patience:  Especially with Thing One and Thing Two.  They drive me crazy some days and I just want to lock myself up in the bathroom with the bottle of wine and my fantastic new acrylic cup (Thanks D-law) that I have affectionately named Herman.
10.   This one is important:  BARBIE HEAD.  Year 33 and still no Barbie head.  I will continue to ask every  year.  I have been good, what is up with this???!!!  Surely there has to have been some mix up at your fabulous toy shop. (crosses fingers, does a prayer, I hope I don’t get coal for this comment)
Love you  lots!
Dooritos
Mami of Thing One and Thing Two

P.S.  The kids have been good this year, please make sure to read their letter.  I certify that they have been good. J

June 16, 2011

Questions to my daddy…


Me age 5…
“Daddy why do Giraffe’s have spots?”

Dad:
“I don’t know baby, we should find out”

  • The next week he ordered a National Geographic card set about animals.

Me age 8…
“Daddy, why can’t I do better in my handwriting? I got a D in class for that ”

Dad:
“You just need to practice. You will get better”

  • That month he ordered a special handwriting practice book from Mexico and he had me do it everyday after homework.

Me age 10…
“Daddy, why am I so dark? Why can’t I be like Barbie?”

Dad:
“Because you are Mexican and you have Indian blood that runs through your veins”

  • Within the span of a year he should be pictures of my maternal grandmother, took me to the library to learn of the history of Mexican people and South American Incas.
Me age 11…
“Daddy, do babies really come from storks? Do they give them to you at the hospital”

Dad:
“No, but we can talk about it”

  • We had “the talk” and he had me watch “The miracle of life” on PBS. Which I am sure is the reason why I was so grossed out and swore off sex until I was ready to go through child birth.

Me age 12:
“Why did you have to go Daddy?”

Dad...





He left me all too soon. I had many more questions. I am sure he had more answers for me. He was that kind of dad. If he didn’t know the answer he found it for me. He gave me the gift of researching my questions, and not giving them to me immediately. He facilitated my learning, even if sometimes there were some things that were embarrassing. For all that you answered Daddy, THANK YOU. Happy Father’s day, I still miss you.

May 16, 2011

The Big Fat Mexican Wedding Moment

If you haven't seen the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding you have no idea about what that picture of the bottle of Windex is about.  To put it briefly, the father of the bride in the movie swears the Windex has healing powers and can cure just about anything.  Anything that ails you, just spray the Windex.  When I watched this scene in the movie, I had to laugh.  You see it may not be Windex in many Latino homes, but it could be in our home Mentholatum, the cure all of Cure alls.  It's an ointment very similar to Vick's vapor rub. 

I can still remember the first time my dad used it to ease my growing pains in my shins.  They were always would be so painful that the warmth of the ointment would just feel good while Sarge would rub it into my legs and wrap it up with one of his 1970's style long basketball socks with red stripes on the top.  Nothing felt quite as soothing as that.  Then there was the time my sister swore it cured a child who wouldn't nap (me) by placing it ever so gently on the top of my eyebrows.  Sure it worked, I had to keep my eyes closed to keep them from watering. So eventually it did do the trick and I was off to slumber land (THANKS SIS!).  I think a lot of the soothing I felt in those moments when I either scraped my knee, or was going through growing pains was not so much from the actual ointment. The actual healing that was happening was the care and concern from the adult giving me the attention needed to make me feel better. 

Thing One had been complaining about his legs when he was playing soccer.  I brushed it off and thought he was ok.  After I had given him a warm bath Mami asked me to bring him to her room.  There she had some of her magic healing ointment.  I thought they didn't make it anymore!  Thing One let her rub the ointment on his shin and then had a nice long sock placed on his legs.  He slept peacefully that night.  A few weeks have passed since that moment and the Things were outside playing.  Thing Two fell on her knees, no scrapes but lots of tears.  Thing One ran to me and said "Momma Yiyi needs Abi's cream!"  It brought a smile to my face to know that there will be no medicine will be quite as strong as the Mentholatum and Abi's loving touch.

Any of you have special remedies that just don't make sense to anyone else but to your family?
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