Lessons from the original Superman

Father's day is always a fickle time for me.  Today marks 30 years since the last Father's day I spent with Sarge.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was the first time I was able to "purchase" a father's day breakfast for him.  McDonald's had a promotion that year if you colored a sheet that was provided by them and took it in for Father's day, your dad would get a free breakfast.  I didn't know it, but that would be the last time I would spend a Father's day with my dad.  Five months later, just 2 months shy of my 13th birthday, he was gone. 

I have been without him longer than he was with me. Still he has been a powerful influence in my life. His words and actions have permeated me for the remaining years I have been without him. His words float over my head in everything I do and say to others.  Today as in everyday I honor the Superman he was to me. 

Little lessons he left me with:

• Love thy neighbor - Sarge was the neighborhood guy.  Someone needed a tool, he would be the guy to come and borrow one from.  If your car broke down in the middle of a delluge of rain, he was the person you called. Not only would he give you a ride but  he would try to fix that car or get you the help you needed.  The day of his funeral I met so many people that were touched by all the things I never knew he did.  He was a giving person who loved humanity.  No one was ever more or less than him, we were all of the human kind and we should all help each other in this world. So when I lose my patience in Los Angeles traffic I remember, we are all human and we all need to look out for one another. 
• Appreciate the simple things - Music was always blaring on any given day at our home.  Sarge would play anything from classical music, swing, to Mariachis.  He would sing to his heart content without abandonment, even though his voice was that of nails on a chalkboard.  Simple outings were the catalyst to "great adventures" as he would call it.  So it was no surprise I was excited when he took me to the city of Corona for an adventure to seek out a great doughnut. Who cares if it just a few miles from our city, it was somewhere new we had never been.  It was his appreciation of the simple joy in life that has gotten me through some rough times.  Seeking out that hole in the wall cafe and people watching has brought me to a calm place where I could think things through.  Listening to a favorite song can take me back in time to a wonderful place when things were calm and fun.
• Laugh at yourself -  Sarge was the original dork. Never afraid to make a fool of himself and laugh along the way.  He made sure I never took myself or life to seriously.  I would get in funks as a child and some how he always managed to make me laugh at his antics.  He would point out the great humor in things, even if it was the crappiest day ever.  So now, I manage to look at life and see the humor in things.  It makes me smile and I can be the same goofball my dad was to me with my children and see the smile I had as a child being reflected back at me through the kids.
• Never forget your history - I never knew my grandparents, they were gone before I was born but I definitely knew about them.  Sarge never failed to take me on his lap to tell me of things when he was growing up, about how his family life was with his parents.  He took me to Mexico to meet my extended family to develop a relationship with those who carried our history. He wanted me to grow up proud of how far our family has come and how far I could take the rest of our history.  One of the major reasons I blog about my children and myself is to carry on that rich tradition.  Much is to be said about storytelling.  You never know what lessons you are learning from your own rich family history.  
• Get up and succeed - He picked me off the floor after I fell off a bike, cleaned up my scrape and placed me back on the bike I had just fallen off.  Giving up was not an option.  I was crying my eyes out and wanting to give up, but Sarge encouraged me.  Every step of the way he was there to cheer me on.  Little successes where HUGE accomplishments. He made sure I understood that no matter if I had an audience or not. I was the master of my own pride with all those accomplishements.  So when I was able to do the major things in life like graduate from college or simply help potty train a two year old I could stand with pride and never give up.

There are so many more that I can list but these in particular have helped me get through the good, the bad, and ugly that life has out there.  All he did for me in the short 12 years of my life has stayed with me.  It's not about time that you spend with your children, it's what you do in whatever time you have with them. 

For the men who create those strong bonds with their children I salute you.  You never know what your teaching your little ones and what life lessons they are learning along the way. 

Feliz dia del padre Papi.  Te extrano muchismo! <3>

Dearest Baby Girl...

Dearest Daughter, Baby girl, Thing Two...

I cannot believe you have turned four years old today!  It seems just like yesterday that I stared sitting in disbelief at the home pregnancy test while holding your 8 month old brother.  I was scared and happy all at once. You came during a time when everything in my life was in a big mess. I was still learning to be a mommy to one, my relationship with your daddy was difficult, and your Abi had been told she had breast cancer.

Many times while you were in my belly I cried and broke down from the stress. Your Abi would tell me not to cry and try to think of you and what you were feeling when I was crying. Little did either of us know of the type of person you were. Right you were born you cried for 3 hours. Not of hunger, being wet, or tired, you were mad!  You were not having anything to do with the whole poking and prodding and cleaning.  I knew then that I had a little fighter on my hands.

You have always been that way since before you were born. Fighting against all odds to make yourself known.  When anyone is sad you are the first to ask if everything is okay. Whether it is someone you know or a complete stranger. Your heart is larger than the little body it occupies. You have strong convictions and will stand up for what you think is right and just. It is natural to you. I sometimes have to tame your attacks on what you think is wrong just because some adults are not ready to hear what you have to say. Society is like that, but it doesn't mean I do not believe in your reason to stand up and say something when you see it is wrong.

My little fierce warrior is who you are. In just four years YOU have shown me to never forget your inner being, the person you are at the core. I love you even when you stand your ground and I want to pull my hair out because you have decided that you want to wear your hair in a ponytail and not down. We may not always agree, but I am in awe of how fiercely you defend your rights to do things.  Never lose that part of you my love.

We will always butt heads, it is just what we do. Do know this, I will always love you and I will always be YOUR fiercest defendant.

Thank you for bringing all that and dolls, unicorns, and princess dreams to our lives. We are complete with you in our world. Your brother may not think so right at this moment, but he loves that you will always have his back. Trust me.

Happy fourth birthday baby girl! Lets to have cake.

Wordless Wednesday: A date I made a decision. KISMET

They were meant to be mine.

Buried in Papers and Tears

Big black bold letters on the pretty colorful envelope that was given to me made me freeze. Figuratively and physically, I just froze holding the large packet.

“FOSTER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL”

My goodness I wanted to cry. I held back because after all, a grown woman crying in a school cafeteria is not conducive to the appearance of a mature motherly type.  Wasn’t it just the other day that I was wiping the drool from Thing One’s chin after all the teething that he was doing?  Didn’t I just wean him off a pacifier?  Didn’t he just learn to say Momma? UGH!  Of course not a tear was shed in the cafeteria, but my soul was crying.  Joy, sadness, and sheer panic settled in the pit of my stomach. 

A part of me was mad as well.  What the heck!  It’s only April! First Kindergarten meeting for early registration is well on it is well on its way in many school districts.  Children do not start school until August and the children and I are just starting to enjoy the longer days of sunshine and I am being forced to think of Fall already.

I am a planner by nature, but this I was not planning to do so far in advance.  Let me keep my baby boy!  Let me snuggle more, let us play silly face longer without the rush of homework or grades looming over us!  Let me play a little longer with my boy with no academic pressure if we are doing the right things together.  He will be buried in paperwork and thinking and growing.  I know this.  I cannot help but think that I am losing a part of him, just like he lost his cherub cheeks over the course of the last year. 

Now, don’t get me wrong I’m a fairly sane woman.  I know he needs to be in school and I know very well I need to let go a little at a time, but no one said it would be easy.  I know he is ready for this and I need to start loosening that blanket of security that I have had him swaddled all these years.  I just hope the school doesn’t mind a few salty stain tear drops on the mountains of papers I am to turn in to them.

Welcome new chapter for both Thing One and I.  Come August we will both be Kindergarten ready.  Or at least he will be. *sniff* *sniff*

Mama Kat's World Famous Writing Workshop: I do believe in the Magic of Disneyland!

One of this week’s Mama Kat’s World Famous writing prompts brought me a flood of memories.

“It happened at Disneyland… “ Read on.

Living in the city of Angels gives me an opportunity to be literally a hop skip and a jump away from the Happiest Place on Earth (also known as the most expensive, but I digress) . My first visit ever to Disneyland was one I was just a month old.  Of course this was in the days when you didn’t have to give a liver and promise for other body part upon death to get in.   We had family visiting and dad always made sure they had a trip to Disneyland.  I guess that is why I took it for granted for so many years that it was so close.  I was always excited to go, but alas it would always be there. I lost the true magic of the place somewhere and didn’t go for years.  Somewhere between high school Grad night at Disney and the one or two trips after that, I lost the love for it.

This love loss prevented me from ever wanting to go again.  That is until about two years ago.  Thing One and Thing Two fell in love with the Mickey Mouse Club House. They were sucked into the world of Disney.  DARN YOU CATCHY SONG! 

Then there were endless birthday wishes of “I want to see where Mickey and Minnie live Momma” .  There eyes pleading, begging.  How do I fight this?  Easy I looked at the prices and nearly passed out.  “What do you mean I have to pay for a 3 year old???!!! “  Commercialism at it’s best.  They wanted me to bite.  I didn’t instead I took them to Disney on Ice.  What is a single mom to do after all.  So for the next year after seeing Disney Ice they did nothing but talk about the experience and how the loved it.

 I got it folks “Parent Guilt”.  So for the next year I plotted and planned on how to make Disneyland more affordable to a single mom.  I found ways around it and saved money and I got us tickets for the most magical time of the year at Disneyland, the holidays.

People, do you know what happened?  I LOVED LOVED LOVED sharing it through the eyes of two excited little children.  Their excitement and joy was mine.  Everything was new and everything was worth seeing.  Even sharing the scary moment of meeting the characters and freaking out with Thing Two was worth every penny.  I’m already planning next year’s trip.  When the castle was lit and we were on Main Street and the man made snow fell as the gentle Christmas music played I cried.  I get it now, I get why my dad would take us all the time.  It’s not about how much he spent; it was about the magic he saw in my eyes. 

It was a wonderful 1st visit to the Magic Kingdom!

As always ROCKED to you because I love this blogger:

Wordless Wednesday: Homemade Valentine for someone special

The year 2011 in Review

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Wishing you all a prosperous New Year 2012, filled with hope and happiness!

Let's get these holidays going...

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31 Cups of Happiness Challenge

31 Cups of Happiness Challenge

Tis the season of over indulging in credit card debt, shopping at odd hours, fighting off the grandmas for that last Black Friday specially priced item, etc.. etc...etc..

Stressedl, angry, tired.  That may describe all that you feel during these holidays.  Imagine that we all may feel that way? Makes for an unhappy world!  In order to alleviate all that I want to challenge all of you to this idea of spreading happiness, one cup at a time.

WTH is that???!!! Dora and her loony talk!  I know!  A cup of coffee is like a warm hug to me.  It’s the reminder of my Dad and his newspaper and cup of Joe on a lazy Sunday.  It represents the warm conversations with my dearest friends.  It means the beginning of a new work day, and that I am relieved that in this day and time I have a job to complain about.  It’s a reminder that I’m tired because my children were tended to when they were sick the night before. 

For the month of December I challenge you to spread a little cheer.  Not to those you know, but to complete strangers.  For each day during the month I want you guys to pick a stranger and buy them their coffee, hot cocoa, soda, bottled water for them.  In these times when economy is bad, jobs are scarce, anxiety high, let’s spread cheer.  J 

It can be totally anonymous or you can let them know who you are.  It’s all up to you. 

Let’s have a great holiday season and better New Year 2012!

Questions to my daddy…

Me age 5…
“Daddy why do Giraffe’s have spots?”

Dad:
“I don’t know baby, we should find out”

• The next week he ordered a National Geographic card set about animals.

Me age 8…
“Daddy, why can’t I do better in my handwriting? I got a D in class for that ”

Dad:
“You just need to practice. You will get better”

• That month he ordered a special handwriting practice book from Mexico and he had me do it everyday after homework.

Me age 10…
“Daddy, why am I so dark? Why can’t I be like Barbie?”

Dad:
“Because you are Mexican and you have Indian blood that runs through your veins”

• Within the span of a year he should be pictures of my maternal grandmother, took me to the library to learn of the history of Mexican people and South American Incas.

Me age 11…
“Daddy, do babies really come from storks? Do they give them to you at the hospital”

Dad:
“No, but we can talk about it”

• We had “the talk” and he had me watch “The miracle of life” on PBS. Which I am sure is the reason why I was so grossed out and swore off sex until I was ready to go through child birth.

Me age 12:
“Why did you have to go Daddy?”

Dad...





He left me all too soon. I had many more questions. I am sure he had more answers for me. He was that kind of dad. If he didn’t know the answer he found it for me. He gave me the gift of researching my questions, and not giving them to me immediately. He facilitated my learning, even if sometimes there were some things that were embarrassing. For all that you answered Daddy, THANK YOU. Happy Father’s day, I still miss you.

Wordless Wednesday - The many facets of a first recital.

Wordless Wednesday - No lipstick, no powder, just these...



The tale of the Un-Princess Mom and the Very Princess Daughter

Of all the things I wanted to be growing up, I wanted to be a mother...of three boys. Never did it cross my mind that I would ever have a girl. I was the girl that played with dolls, but never combed their hair or dressed them in dresses. Nope it was always shorts and a shirt. While my friends embraced their femininity, I found it hard to fit in that way. I was a tom boy of sorts. Sarge would tease that I was the little boy he always wanted.  I hung out with him in the garage more than in the kitchen with Mami.  Don't get me wrong, I sometimes enjoyed being a girly girl, but for the most part I embraced competition, sports, and friendships with boys. While I could be friends with other girls I somehow found myself more at ease chatting with the boys about sports.  Then came the teenage years and I found my femininity and love of fashion, but it was a long time coming.

So here I am with a two- year old daughter who's closet looks like Pepto-Bismal exploded in there. Her shoe collection resembles that of Carrie Bradshaw's on Sex in the City. When she wakes up she wants her hair brushed and to be made "pretty". She is attracted to all kinds of baubles, necklaces, and tiaras. Anything decorated with a Disney Princess theme is to be obsessed over admired and appreciated. She demands wants to be put in dresses on a daily basis. I have no idea how to relate!

 Maybe the reason I really had a hard time accepting having a daughter is that I know what kind of pressures a girl goes through. If your tough and ambitious and prefer jeans over a dress you are viewed as less feminine. On the opposite end of the spectrum, having the "Woe is me, someone come save me" attitude and being very feminine and "princess like" is viewed as weak and helpless. Being a girl is not easy and that is why I REALLY didn't want a girl. So what am I to do now that I have a girl and she is all things I definitely was not? 

While I don't mind indulging in her very feminine side I also want to open up other ideas to her, like sports and academics. I found that encouraging her to be who she is and showing her that not everyone can be a "Princess" all the time can be the way to relate to her.  I encourage her to try sports, run with her brother, rough house.  I can't help but smile when her brother picks on her and she beats the crap out of him  defends herself.

I want her to grew up knowing this: Beauty is in everything and a girl can gain attention not by what she looks like outwardly but what is in her heart and actions. You will always be a girl, but what you do with that knowledge is up to you.

Do you relate to your daughter?  How do you encourage her to go beyond the stereotypes of a woman?

Great website to visit if you have a girl :  7 wonderlicious

The Big Fat Mexican Wedding Moment

If you haven't seen the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding you have no idea about what that picture of the bottle of Windex is about.  To put it briefly, the father of the bride in the movie swears the Windex has healing powers and can cure just about anything.  Anything that ails you, just spray the Windex.  When I watched this scene in the movie, I had to laugh.  You see it may not be Windex in many Latino homes, but it could be in our home Mentholatum, the cure all of Cure alls.  It's an ointment very similar to Vick's vapor rub. 

I can still remember the first time my dad used it to ease my growing pains in my shins.  They were always would be so painful that the warmth of the ointment would just feel good while Sarge would rub it into my legs and wrap it up with one of his 1970's style long basketball socks with red stripes on the top.  Nothing felt quite as soothing as that.  Then there was the time my sister swore it cured a child who wouldn't nap (me) by placing it ever so gently on the top of my eyebrows.  Sure it worked, I had to keep my eyes closed to keep them from watering. So eventually it did do the trick and I was off to slumber land (THANKS SIS!).  I think a lot of the soothing I felt in those moments when I either scraped my knee, or was going through growing pains was not so much from the actual ointment. The actual healing that was happening was the care and concern from the adult giving me the attention needed to make me feel better. 

Thing One had been complaining about his legs when he was playing soccer.  I brushed it off and thought he was ok.  After I had given him a warm bath Mami asked me to bring him to her room.  There she had some of her magic healing ointment.  I thought they didn't make it anymore!  Thing One let her rub the ointment on his shin and then had a nice long sock placed on his legs.  He slept peacefully that night.  A few weeks have passed since that moment and the Things were outside playing.  Thing Two fell on her knees, no scrapes but lots of tears.  Thing One ran to me and said "Momma Yiyi needs Abi's cream!"  It brought a smile to my face to know that there will be no medicine will be quite as strong as the Mentholatum and Abi's loving touch.

Any of you have special remedies that just don't make sense to anyone else but to your family?

Take ONE, Take TWO, Take THREE...PERFECTION!

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