Wordless Wednesday: A date I made a decision. KISMET

They were meant to be mine.

Why I don't believe in internet dating... ANYMORE

If you don't my stance on dating and the single mom well it goes like this:  I don't have the time, when and where am I suppose to do this?  There you go in a nutshell.  A lot of people have suggested I do online dating.  Then I had a total flashback.

After my divorce ages ago I had no children and the internet dating scene was truly in full swing.  It was the latest in being able to meet that special someone.  Yes people, I was an online dater.  It was an experience to say the least.  Some of my worst dating moments happened during that time.  There is the guy who claimed to work for the FBI and we met for a movie in the afternoon.  He said to forgive him for he had been at a stake out all night therefore couldn't get to a shower before meeting me.  I couldn't hear him to well because I was to busy swatting the flies that were swarming around him.  Then there was the guy who was worried about how he was balding and talked about all the treatments he was considering to keep his hair intact.  I still went out with him a few times and discovered he had white carpets at his home and didn't want much company coming over.  He had a cat and his previous girlfriends picture on the mantle.  If anything gets you out of the mood to make out, it's definitely the ex-girlfriend staring back at you and a cat hissing at you. Also turns out he had a lot of gay friends who he preferred to hang out with.  I wanted to tell him just to come out of the closet already and to stop kidding himself.  So yeah, it was a nightmare at some points.

I do have to say I did meet some great people online.  There was The Frog who I dated for a good part of 3 years.  I still remain friends with his family and I hear from him occasionally.  Then I met a few platonic friends who I ended up setting up with friends.  Like my guy friend "Happy Smile" who I set up with my co-worker "Lovey".  They have now been married for a good part of 10 years and have two beautiful children.  So maybe using the internet to meet other people is not in the words of Bobby Bouche's mother on The Water Boy "DA DEVIL". 

So after much debate in my head I put myself out there.  Online dating, yes people I took another stab at it.  Before you  all get all "well isn't it costly?"  "You need to be cautious" I did a free dating site.  I put it out there 6 months ago.  Just wrote the general witty stuff I'm known for, posted a decent picture and let it marinate.

I have had a few hits, a few messages, nothing too spectacular.  I have also had a few lurkers and men with OTHER intentions.  So for the most part my profile out on the site as a security.  Something to fall back on when I am ready.  In the mean time I've met a slew of platonic male friends who tell me that my time will come, that I'm funny, they give me that boost.  I am ok with that.  Then there are those friends who say "you should meet my friend, blah blah blah"  and well nothing usually has come out of that.  So dating seriously is still non-existent for me.

Now down to why I really don't believe in the online dating.  In my inbox on Wednesday was a standard message from the website I signed up for.  The title was "We have matches for you".  So out of curiosity I checked it, couldn't hurt to see what they had in mind for me.  I had previously stipulated what type of person I was looking for and what my needs where, so obviously it could possibly be a match, right?! 

There it was staring at me when I opened the email.  A picture of a face I new all too well.  A person I knew for a good 6 years.  A person who I had just seen that morning.  Big Cheese was my number one match. I had to do a double take. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Really?  I did not need to read the profile, I did not need a first date to know that this was not right.  We tried for years to make it work and two kids later, it still did not work. 

PFFFSSSHHHH!  I quit internet dating!  They know nothing! 

Have you ever tried internet dating?  How has it worked out for you?

Who am I?

And who will my children identify with? 

 I read the artical in the Los Angeles Times:
Latino or Hispanic? For many Americans, neither feels quite right.   It got me thinking of my own identity and that of my children.  In the article it states that many still identify with "mexican" or "chicano".  Here is where I differ.  I am born in the United States, Mami is from Ecuador, Sarge was Mexican-American.  So when in school and someone asked if I was Mexican-American I would simply say "Umm...half".  Sarge always made sure that I knew of both of my heritages but here I was having to peg myself as one or another.  Many say "Well you are American of course", which I am but it feels awkward and strange not to identify all of my ancestors. 

America, is a melting pot so I can't be the only one in this predicament. Big Cheese, the kids father is of Mexican-American background.  Technically I guess you can say Thing One and Thing Two are 75% Mexican-American and 25% Ecuadorian-American.  I can totally see why this can get difficult when census time comes or when you fill out surveys and such.  I think that is why I liked the term Latina-American.  I feel like I am not denying my roots and I am embracing my country.

Now here is one for the government to figure out a term for:  My friend Chula and her husband Tosh have two children.  Chula is German and Mexican-American. Tosh is Japanese and Mexican-American.  So then how do you determine that?  Asian-Latino American?

You just have to love the diversity!  You cannot encompass all the different mixes this country has to offer.

Do you have a particular way of identifying your families ethnicity?

Latino or Hispanic? For many Americans, neither feels quite right

Latino or Hispanic? For many Americans, neither feels quite right

Buried in Papers and Tears

Big black bold letters on the pretty colorful envelope that was given to me made me freeze. Figuratively and physically, I just froze holding the large packet.

“FOSTER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL”

My goodness I wanted to cry. I held back because after all, a grown woman crying in a school cafeteria is not conducive to the appearance of a mature motherly type.  Wasn’t it just the other day that I was wiping the drool from Thing One’s chin after all the teething that he was doing?  Didn’t I just wean him off a pacifier?  Didn’t he just learn to say Momma? UGH!  Of course not a tear was shed in the cafeteria, but my soul was crying.  Joy, sadness, and sheer panic settled in the pit of my stomach. 

A part of me was mad as well.  What the heck!  It’s only April! First Kindergarten meeting for early registration is well on it is well on its way in many school districts.  Children do not start school until August and the children and I are just starting to enjoy the longer days of sunshine and I am being forced to think of Fall already.

I am a planner by nature, but this I was not planning to do so far in advance.  Let me keep my baby boy!  Let me snuggle more, let us play silly face longer without the rush of homework or grades looming over us!  Let me play a little longer with my boy with no academic pressure if we are doing the right things together.  He will be buried in paperwork and thinking and growing.  I know this.  I cannot help but think that I am losing a part of him, just like he lost his cherub cheeks over the course of the last year. 

Now, don’t get me wrong I’m a fairly sane woman.  I know he needs to be in school and I know very well I need to let go a little at a time, but no one said it would be easy.  I know he is ready for this and I need to start loosening that blanket of security that I have had him swaddled all these years.  I just hope the school doesn’t mind a few salty stain tear drops on the mountains of papers I am to turn in to them.

Welcome new chapter for both Thing One and I.  Come August we will both be Kindergarten ready.  Or at least he will be. *sniff* *sniff*