The little girl that made October shine in bright Pink.

The end of September 2008 was one of the most difficult moments in my life.  I was 7 almost 8 months pregnant.  In one giant swoop I found out that the father of my children was exploring other relationships and that Mami had been diagnosed with breast cancer.  My body shook from shock, anger, and fear all at once.  I may have thrown up physically and emotionally several times during the weeks that followed. 

In order to wrap my head around all that I needed to organize in my life I took time off from work.  Mami had gone to see the oncologist the same day that she found out that the small lump detected in her annual mammogram was malignant. Sitting with my mom the tears rolled down my eyes, what was happening?  I just lost faith in the man that was suppose to be there for the rest of my life, and now there was the threat of not having my mom there. Mami sensed the fear immediately and was told she had two options for her cancer.  One, a lumpectomy followed by months of radiation.  Two, removal of the effected breast and lymph nodes with no radiation involved.  She opted for the removal.

It was a long road but three years later I sit here and contemplate all that has gone on since.  Mami and I had a heart to heart this past Sunday.  It was the anniversary of Sarge's death. Curious, I asked why she opted for the breast removal. She pointed over to Thing Two who was sitting there playing tea party.  Mami said she wanted to live long enough to see her granddaughter being born.  While I am a great believer in medicine and all it's miracles the motivation to get better for a little girl was more than medicine can explain. 

Thing Two lights up a room just with her big brown eyes and mischievous smile.  She loves with her whole heart and she is the keeper of this little family.  She is our little miracle.  One of the reasons she is important to me, she saved my Mami. 

Her name sake is Liliana Renee means "Gracious Lily Reborn".  Mami's middle name: Lilian.  Thing Two definitely made her reborn. 

This blog is a reminder that it's breast cancer awareness month.  Please remind all the women in your life that they are important in your life and to remember that early detection is key to survival. 

• Do a monthly breast exam
• Get a Mammogram after the age of 40
• Know your family history of cancer
• Become educated of what advancements in Breast cancer
• Be vigilant of changes in your breast and in your general health

Thanks my baby girl....October is much brighter pink with you and Mami in my life. I will definitely be aware of all of the above for you and your brother. 

 

Gender bender...

This giant sign has been the bane of my existence these days.  Thing one gets very perplexed now when we have to use public restrooms.  He looks at the sign in which we are entering and exclaims "BUT I'M NOT A GIRL!!".  *SIGH*  Each and every single time, same conversation. 

This new behavior and observation has come to be since he started preschool.  He is now very aware of his gender. "I am a boy momma."  I hear this over and over every time I try to inch him into the "girl" restroom.  The whole time he is pulling towards the "boy" bathroom that is inches away.  This scenario could make anyone chuckle, but to me it is the reminder that I am a single mother raising a son. It's also a reminder that there are occasions in which I have to sit and explain to Thing One that:

1. He cannot do some things, because mom is not capable of going into the male restroom with him, because well I am a girl. AND
2. I don't have a male counterpart that could take him or do some of the things he desires to do. " You can't go by yourself son, you are 4!"

I don't even have a dad or brother to even say "you take him". Those moments I am aware of how important it is for him to have a good male example around.  He has Big Cheese during the week, but there are those moments when he is with Mami, Thing Two, and I that I wish I could let him in that "boy" restroom with someone trusted. 

So for now I just try my best to give him other options for restrooms.  Like the family restroom, or the Male/Female restroom above. I do a lot of speaking with him and try to get him to understand that for now, when he is with Mommy he is stuck in a female world.  But this will only last for so long.  I am trying my best to get some positive male role models in his and my life.  I am lucky to have friends with husbands who are willing to help and that is a sigh of relief at times. 

Thing One does a bring a smile to my face when he exclaims "You're not a girl! You're a Mommy"

My take away from all this is :  Don't let the limitations hinder you, learn from them. 

Believe me I'M TRYING. *sigh*

Frozen in Time... September 11, 2001

10 years go by so quickly, yet they stand still in many instances.  Like the moment I stood in front of a television frozen. Frozen by the image of a plane slamming into the Twin Towers and thinking, could this really be happening?  I was 30 years old, going through a divorce already and childless.  I remember that moment, when hot tears could not come out of my eyes because I could not process what I was watching and feeling.  It took a whole week before I could cry and release it all.  I was one of many who felt overwhelmed and questioned what life had ahead of them and for this country. 

I sit here ten years later at the age of 40, finding my way into a new relationship and a mother of two loving busy children, and yet I still cry and I remember.  I remember what was lost, innocence, fathers, mothers, uncles, spouses, children, security, dreams, hopes.  I also rejoice in what 10 years has brought some of us.  It brought, resilience, new hope, new dreams, rekindled dreams, strength, neighbors, new families, new borders, new safety policies.  We have all come far. 

10 years…Never forget that day, but honor it as a positive memory.  Remember those survivors who dusted themselves off and progressed forward despite everything that happened that day.  Honor those lost by finishing their work and making this a better kinder place. 

My children will know that they are here because of that day.  I rekindled my dream of having children someday and reaching that degree.  Done! And DONE!  Let’s see what the next ten years will bring.