May 7, 2012

First Heart Break

You know in life you always have that first heart break.  It never crossed my mind that Thing Two would experience it from the one man who should carry her heart like a delicate piece of china. Big Cheese broke her heart this weekend and I want to tear his apart for making her feel like that. 
I am typing this with bags and dark circles under my eyes. My heart breaks for my baby girl.  Saturday was her big day.  She got her first ever trophy that day. Big Cheese, no where in sight.  Las Vegas to be precise on his location.  I had a huge discussion with him about this decision. Big Cheese had known about this big day since January when the soccer schedules were given.  I would have seen it as a mere over sight had it not been for the fact that he never backed out of going. 

To top it off, it was his weekend with the Things.  He actually called me to cover for him so that he could go and he would take the next two weekends to be with the children.  I just couldn't believe he was going to miss her big day.  When I reminded him of the day and that I would cover if he still wanted to go, he said "Thanks".  I felt the blood heat up under my skin.  In my head "Thanks" was a brush off of what this would do to my little dolls heart.  I just answered "No need to Thank me, you will need to explain to the Things why you were not there".  Of course I got no answer.

Lately we haven't been seeing eye to eye on things, and this just exacerbated those feelings. He had already let our children witness their father get into my face and yell and call me names in public.  Their little hearts were suffering and all I wanted was some kind of normal for them.  We argued once more before he left.  Big Cheese thought I was just upset because he was going to Las Vegas.  This wasn't like the times before, I wasn't concerned about our family, this time it was our children.   It was a big day, a moment that is fleeting.  It will never be her first trophy ever again.  Las Vegas will always be there, but this moment is gone.  Thing Two now holds the memory of her father being absent from that moment.

You must think by now "Well she is three, she can't possibly remember anything".  All day on Saturday we were busy, happy, or so I thought.  I saw a glimpse of her searching the crowd when she got the trophy, a slight sad look.  I just left it alone, hoping it was just me that saw that look.  Sunday morning as we ate breakfast with no one but her and I eating at the table she uttered the phrase I long feared would come sooner or later, "Mommy, Daddy wasn't at my banquet.  It made me sad.  Zoe had her daddy there".  Her face was sullen and her eyes watered and filled with salty tears that I kissed away for her.  It's all I could do.  I couldn't discount those feelings.  Her little heart was broken. 

Times like these I wish he could see what he does by some of his actions.  The same actions that made me walk away from him. Only this time it was not a 39 year old woman who's heart he broke, it was a three year old sweet vivacious little girl who's heart he broke. 

I was so sad and mad.  Mad that he had the ability to chose his own interest over his children.  How does one make things better?  I don't know, but I am going to try my best to be there and to help both my children heal from all this.  I just hope the happy feelings out weigh those that reside in her heart at this moment.


April 13, 2012

Why I don't believe in internet dating... ANYMORE





If you don't my stance on dating and the single mom well it goes like this:  I don't have the time, when and where am I suppose to do this?  There you go in a nutshell.  A lot of people have suggested I do online dating.  Then I had a total flashback.

After my divorce ages ago I had no children and the internet dating scene was truly in full swing.  It was the latest in being able to meet that special someone.  Yes people, I was an online dater.  It was an experience to say the least.  Some of my worst dating moments happened during that time.  There is the guy who claimed to work for the FBI and we met for a movie in the afternoon.  He said to forgive him for he had been at a stake out all night therefore couldn't get to a shower before meeting me.  I couldn't hear him to well because I was to busy swatting the flies that were swarming around him.  Then there was the guy who was worried about how he was balding and talked about all the treatments he was considering to keep his hair intact.  I still went out with him a few times and discovered he had white carpets at his home and didn't want much company coming over.  He had a cat and his previous girlfriends picture on the mantle.  If anything gets you out of the mood to make out, it's definitely the ex-girlfriend staring back at you and a cat hissing at you. Also turns out he had a lot of gay friends who he preferred to hang out with.  I wanted to tell him just to come out of the closet already and to stop kidding himself.  So yeah, it was a nightmare at some points.

I do have to say I did meet some great people online.  There was The Frog who I dated for a good part of 3 years.  I still remain friends with his family and I hear from him occasionally.  Then I met a few platonic friends who I ended up setting up with friends.  Like my guy friend "Happy Smile" who I set up with my co-worker "Lovey".  They have now been married for a good part of 10 years and have two beautiful children.  So maybe using the internet to meet other people is not in the words of Bobby Bouche's mother on The Water Boy "DA DEVIL". 

So after much debate in my head I put myself out there.  Online dating, yes people I took another stab at it.  Before you  all get all "well isn't it costly?"  "You need to be cautious" I did a free dating site.  I put it out there 6 months ago.  Just wrote the general witty stuff I'm known for, posted a decent picture and let it marinate.

I have had a few hits, a few messages, nothing too spectacular.  I have also had a few lurkers and men with OTHER intentions.  So for the most part my profile out on the site as a security.  Something to fall back on when I am ready.  In the mean time I've met a slew of platonic male friends who tell me that my time will come, that I'm funny, they give me that boost.  I am ok with that.  Then there are those friends who say "you should meet my friend, blah blah blah"  and well nothing usually has come out of that.  So dating seriously is still non-existent for me.

Now down to why I really don't believe in the online dating.  In my inbox on Wednesday was a standard message from the website I signed up for.  The title was "We have matches for you".  So out of curiosity I checked it, couldn't hurt to see what they had in mind for me.  I had previously stipulated what type of person I was looking for and what my needs where, so obviously it could possibly be a match, right?! 

There it was staring at me when I opened the email.  A picture of a face I new all too well.  A person I knew for a good 6 years.  A person who I had just seen that morning.  Big Cheese was my number one match. I had to do a double take. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Really?  I did not need to read the profile, I did not need a first date to know that this was not right.  We tried for years to make it work and two kids later, it still did not work. 

PFFFSSSHHHH!  I quit internet dating!  They know nothing! 

Have you ever tried internet dating?  How has it worked out for you?
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