Daddies are important to daughters

Big Cheese has been less than gracious with me lately, which is not a surprise. This is why I decided not to continue the relationship while Thing Two was a mere 4 weeks old. A few months back Big Cheese was upset with me and it manifested itself in front of the children and in public. It upset me and I did all I could to not cry, to hold my head high and not let his words dig at who I am.  I broke once I got home and while I tried not to have the children witness this moment, Thing Two heard me. She crawled into my bed and asked " Does Daddy not love you? He's grumpy. Don' t cry". My heart broke even further.  What was she learning from him?

I have been without my Daddy for 29 years. I have been without him longer than he was with me. I am filled with gratitude of all he taught me in the small amount of time. Especially those moments he taught me as I observed how he conducted his life.  He was always kind to Mami even when she was less than gracious in the heat of an arguement. He never disrespected her and was always a gentleman. He opened doors, paid bills, took Mami on "breakfast dates" while I was at school. The moments my Daddy thought I wasn't watching, I was.  One particular memory I have is of him leaning over and kissing Mami on the forehead as he held her hand.

It's distinct memory and he taught me how a woman should be treated. How I should be treated. How relationships, no matter what, are always about love and respect. This lesson that did not escape his lips but was manifested in actions, was what gave me the strength to walk away that moment with Big Cheese. It's what made me realize that I was not being treated right in a relationship and that two small eyes were watching.

Fathers are important, especially to their daughters. They are the first male relationship they have. The one that teaches them how to be treated as a woman. So I implore you Fathers out there with daughters, she is watching you and basing what you do to her future relationships. Be kind. Be respectful. Be loving when it gets hard. She' s watching you for clues into her future relationships.

I hope that Big Cheese can see while he doesn't need to love me, he does need to strive to be respectful for both of the Things.

John Mayer gave insight on how relationships are a part of these relationships in the song Daughter. Listen here

How a split second turned into terror.

As parents we all have that internal fear that is played out one too many times on the news. That one moment in which a child is gone. Maybe for a minute, a few moments or forever. You let your child go to the bus stop, or you watch in horror how crossing the road some stranger grabs your child.

I had hoped that I would never encounter such a thing with my babies. Unfortunately it happened.

I had taken Thing One and Two to see Sesame Street Live today. Big crowds are never my favorite, bit one can not live in fear. I took Mali with us to enjoy the show. All was well until the end of the show when I had to pick up  Mami's walker at guest services. I had told Mami to stay with the children while I went upstairs to get the walker.
I went up the stairs and waited to get her walker. Took the elevator down and chatted with the elevator attendant on how nice the show was. The doors opened and Mali was standing there asking where the kids were.
Apparently she thought that I had known that the kids were right behind me as I went up the stairs. It had been 10 minutes since I had left. My heart and guts were sick twisted as I looked back on the huge crowd behind me. I must have screamed that very moment, because all of a sudden everyone was looking at me. My babies were lost in a crowd of hundreds. I ran up stairs looking for them in every chiild's face and I could see all the adults feeling my pain and panic.

Security was helping as I ran to find them. Thing two was at guest services. She was calm and collected. The next thought was Where is my boy! My sweet sweet boy. I could hear the security guards asking for a description of him or a picture of him. I couldn't get words out as I shook with panic and fear. Until a man came out of nowhere ans said
"Your daughter is watching you let's breathe and he will be found"

I had to catch my breath and describe what he was wearing, hair and eye color, name. All the things that were crucial at that very moment. Then I heard theo best sound in the world. The cries of Thing One asking for his Mommy. They had found him in the play area of the event crying. I was on my knees crying holding my precious babies, thanking God and the kids guardian Angels that they were returned safely to me.

I haven't let them go yet. They are lying next to me as I type this.

I was lucky and I pray this never happens again. EVER.

Have you ever experienced something scary with your children? How did you react?

I can tell you, this moment was not how I expected Iwould react.

That moment...

Today's blog is inspired by the Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop:

Happy almost Mother’s Day! Share a parenting moment where you really began to realize what this mothering thing is all about.

Everyone has a different story about how the KNEW they were a mother.  A true sense of the word.  People define it in many terms and with different degrees of emotion.  I have a slew of moments this occurred.  Like the time the nurse told me I was swaddling Thing One wrong.  What a a few of us experience though is much different than our counterparts that are married.  It is called the "Single Mom" moment. 

 Big Cheese and I had been apart since Thing Two was 4 weeks old.  There I was, trying to breast feed a newborn and ripping her off my breast to go rescue Thing One from falling off a couch he had climbed.  I cried on the floor  along with my babies that morning.  Not just from the burning pain in my breast, but because I was alone with two very young children.  It felt surreal, because my plan never included being alone.  Yet there I was crying along with both of my babies wondering if I would ever get through this moment.  I vowed never to be alone with them.  Mami was always there to help out with Thing One.  She kept him entertained while I breast fed, or focused attention on my very newborn Thing Two. When venturing out I always had a friend, a family member, or Mami to help when Thing One would wander off aimlessly as I tried to put Thing Two in her car seat.   

August 2009, was when Thing One turned two.  He had been watching Nick Jr. and a song about the beach came on.  He was hyper focused and would talk incessantly about the beach and how he wanted to go. A mother will do anything for her children who was I to say no. On his birthday I planned to take him to a local beach that was kid friendly called "mother's beach".  It is more of a bay than anything, but they have life guards, and plenty of play things for small children.  I asked Mami to go with me, but she has never been a lover of walking in sand and her mobility was a concern to her.  It was a weekday, which meant all of my friends were working.  Only one thing to do at that point, go with the children by myself.

I packed up the car, planned every minute of that day.  How do I keep them safe?  What if something happens, what is my plan of action?  Self talk that came up a lot: "Breathe, you can do this, it is what Thing One has been looking forward to". 

There were moments in the day when I thought I was going to lose it. Like when Thing Two toppled over in the sand while sitting and got it in her face. In the mad rush to wash her off, Thing One decided to throw a tantrum and not want to go to the water. I must have looked like a mad woman dragging a screaming toddler and carrying a crying baby. Then there was the moment that while in the water Thing One slipped under the shallow water and I couldn’t get his little hand fast enough to pull him up. The look on his face was of fear and relief at the same time. I recognized that look on him because that is how I  had felt most days since Big Cheese had been gone.

Woo Hoo! Let's hear it for tantrums!:

At the end of the day I had a happy Thing One and we all survived our first outing with just the three of us. When I sat down and thought of it all I realized I could do this single mom thing.  Is it hard? By all means YES!  Could I do this alone? YES!

When your a mother, there is no time to fear or to doubt.  Sometimes you just have to face those fears that lay inside your mind and do what your heart is telling you to do for those you love the most.  It means sacrificing and growing.  That day I knew that despite my support system, I could raise these children and that all would be ok, even if it didn't seem like it at that moment. 

I am glad I went through that moment to become a better mother, and to tackle my fears. Since then The Things and I have gone on to many adventures together, just the three of us. No more crying on the floor.

The joy that will forever be burned in my head that day:

Happy Mothers day to all my fearless moms.

What was your "mom" moment?

Inspiring me to write my life story: