That was the big acronym strewn across my medical file when I glanced over. It was a prenatal appointment I had when I was pregnant with Thing One. I thought to myself "What the heck was that?!" Did I have something that was bad? Was the Doctor not telling me everything? What in the world could AMA be? Being hormonal and being beside myself with worry I had to ask the doctor. "I'm sorry, but I notice the initials AMA on my chart, can you tell me what that is?" The ugly truth, the cold hard facts were about to hit me at that point "Oh sure, it means Advanced Maternal Age". I sat there and looked again and I thought...Oh my GOSH! I'm OLD! In fancy medical, politically correct terms, but yes it meant OLD!
It took me months and months to be ok with that big bright red acronym to be on my file. It was like a scarlett letter, I was old, different, not young enough to be having kids. Utterly frustrating to me at one point thinking, why are you putting me in the OLD catergory. I'm not peeing myself, YET! I had never thought of myself in those terms. I always considered myself young, hip, with it. Hmm...why???!!! I guess the medical community agrees that I was not of "child bearing" age. I was 36, and I was far from the age of the girl sitting next to me in the medical office waiting room, who was like 10 years my junior. Mind you, we were both expecting our first child.
It was really not a choice of mine, by far to be AMA. I had tried for a good 2 years to get pregnant with Prince Charming, when I was 28. It had failed miserably and accounted for a lot of turmoil that led up to our divorce. By the time that happened I was 30. I had 5 good "child bearing" years I figured. Within those years I met The Frog. I did get pregnant at 33 only to lose the baby I was to have with The Frog. Depression hit me hard after that and any type of hope to bear a child was out the door. I date Big Cheese with no intention on having children, I had hit the big 3 - 5! SURPRISE! PREGNANT!
I always thought I wanted to be a hip young mom, not too young, but young. Life had other plans for me. I have worried a lot about being the oldest mom in playgroups, not being able to relate with the other mothers. Quite to my surprise, once you become a mother, you share the same fears, the same hapiness, the same guilt. It's a huge sisterhood, for sure.
My other fear I had was my own health and mortality. Will I be here long enough to teach my children all the need to know? Will I be capable of the demands that young children have, physically? Both of my parents were older when I was conceived and I lost my father at the age of 12. I feel that this is why I worried so much. After having Thing One I realized one thing, sure I was older, but I wasn't dying and I had some control of my health. I was still able and capable of taking on this new chapter in my life.
I will have to say that being AMA has it's advantages in some aspects. I have more patience with them because I don't have to worry about going to school, or that I have not yet found my identity. I have done my share of going out with my friends, with experiencing the world around me. Of course there is room for growth and exploring, but this time I'm willing to do it through the eyes of Thing One and Thing Two.
Who needs a fountain of youth???!!!! I have Thing One and Thing Two! :)
