You Are Not Alone

Reading to his baby sister

Growing up I was the only child in our household. My sister was 13 years older than me and was out of the house by 16. She moved out and shortly after that moved to another state. I really didn't get an opportunity to build that sibling relationship. I always felt cheated of that relationship of sibling everyone else had. Of course my friends would tell me I wasn't missing out on anything. They would tell me horror stories and tell me I was lucky I didn't have to share anything with anyone.

You see, that was just it. I didn't really have someone to share that special bond of growing up in the same household and sharing that experience. I was the typical lonely only child. I may have experienced more bonding with my parents because I had no others to bond with. From the time I can remember I. wanted to have more than one child. I wanted my children to have the same special memories and the bond of being siblings.

Cut to my years of struggling to even conceive. I almost lost hope of even having one child, let alone more. It was a very sad realization that I may have to raise a lonely only. I think it was just a very hard moment all together to accept that a child would grow up with no connection to a sibling like I did.

When I got pregnant with Thing One I was both surprised and elated! All I could do was think of him and how happy I was. Labor was actually pretty good, enough so that right after I gave birth to him I said to the nurse " I will be here next year!". Maybe I was filled with endorphins at the time from giving birth. Big Cheese looked at me crazy when I blurted that out. He already had two teenage sons from a previous relationship and this was not an option.

With Big Brothers

From the time I had Thing One I knew he should have a sibling, and not just his two older brothers. He needed someone to share crazy family stories, someone to talk to as an adult and just have that bond. Big cheese was against it. For me I pushed forward with the idea like a presidential campaign. Finally he agreed that when Thing One would turn one we could try.

Our first vacation away from Thing One was when he was 8 months old. What happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas! I was pregnant again, a little sooner than I anticipated. I cried, and not because I still had a baby and I was pregnant, I did it out of happiness. Thing Two would never be alone.

Thing One was 17 months old when his sister Thing Two showed up. I worried so much about how they would get along. Would they get along? I thought, well maybe he won't want to hang out with his sister as much. So many worries! Thing One couldn't be bothered by his new sister for awhile. He kissed her but he was just happy to be himself and walk away. I'm sure it was just his age but it still made me worry.

Why is she here???!!!

Thing One will be three years old soon and Thing Two just turned a year and a half. She follows Thing Two everywhere. She wants to do everything he does and I can see the admiration she has for him. It still worried me that Thing Two was not quite as affectionate towards her as she was with him. He sometimes seemed bothered by her hugs and kisses.

I like Super Why, because my brother does!

I went to pick up Thing One from the baby sitter for his swimming lessons the other day. Usually I pick up Thing Two as well and drop her off at home to stay with Mami, but that day Mami wasn't feeling well. I left Thing Two with the baby sitter and took Thing One with me. I had already anticipated Thing Two would be upset to be without her brother and myself. What happened next surprised me. Thing One looked at me and asked "yiyi?" (His name for her). I explained to him that she was staying there and we were going swimming. He threw himself on the floor and screamed "No! No! No!" I had to pick him up and put him in the car kicking and screaming. The whole time he was reaching out and screaming for Thing Two.

I brushed it off as just a reaction from the change of our normal routine. After swimming I dropped him off first and was going to pick up Thing Two. When we got home Thing One was running into the house and said hi to Mami, but the person he was calling for was"yiyi, where are you?". He went from room to room. I brought her back home and he ran to her hugged her and kissed her on her head "MUAH!" She was just as happy to see him.

It was a sigh of relief at that moment for me. It was just too precious. They would always have each other, even if somedays they didn't like each other or shared the same interest. They would ALWAYS love each other.

I really do love her ! <3

Men of Valor

Friday, June 11, 2010.  My son Thing One turns 34 months old.  I was a little sad during the week because of the hardship I was going with the car problems I was having and the trouble I was having getting help getting my kids situated while I found a way to and from work, etc.  I was really missing my dad at that point.  The man who was always there for me. The man I hope that Thing One will grow up to be.

 

That morning on the drive to work I heard the news of a CHP (California Highway Patrol) officer who had been killed while on duty.  I stopped and said a prayer for the family and was very reflective on the times my dad would go to work and Mami would say a prayer.  My father, Sarge, worked as a deputy for the Los Angeles Sheriff department.  Whenever I hear that an officer has gone down, I pray.  These men give there all to keep the rest of us safe. 

 

Later that morning one of my friends on Facebook contacted me and told me that the officer who had died was my other friend's younger brother.  The tears rolled down and I prayed even more. I felt the pain of my friend, losing her beloved brother.  I felt the pain of her mother, losing her son.  I felt the pain of his wife, losing her companion.  I felt the loss of his children, growing up without their father.

 

The men behind those badges have families, have loved ones, have friends.  They put it all on the line so you and I can remain safe. Then I was reminded of all the chivalrous men who do not wear a badge, but are heroes in their own way.  These men are those who pick up the pieces after an absent father, whether that be voluntary or involuntary.  Those men who will take children in as their own and shield them from harm and life's bumps in the road.  They can be step fathers who take in a whole family and make them their own.  They are brother's, friends, neighbors who in a moment's crisis are there.

On this Father's day I grieve for the father I lost to cancer and for those two children who's very courageous father not only protected them but protected the highways so that many other father's could get home safely to their children.  I also honor on those of you who take the place of a lost father. I honor those father's who find it necessary to keep and protect a family and stay married for long periods of time and take care of the mother of your children.  You are truly men of valor.

Dad, I truly miss you everyday.  In the 12 years you gave me as a father, you were exceptional and taught me life's lessons in a short period I was under your wing.  Everything you did for me served as an example to what I wanted to be like as a parent and values I instill in my little one's everyday. 

Thing One, you have big shoes to fill. 

Letting go...

Worry.  The one word every mother knows.  I don't think there is one day in a mother's life that she at one moment or other has gone without it. Thing Two has had me worried these last two months.  This month marked Thing Two's 16th month of life. She is 2 months shy of reaching the fabulous year and a half mark.  My worry?  Simple, she wasn't walking.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure it's not physical.  The girl get's around with the help of furniture, walls, hands but she simply hasn't been able to let go and venture on her own.

Thing One, first born, he had me worried too around this age.  All the other children in his Gymboree class were walking on or before their first birthdays.  I kept reading and wondering when the magic moment would happen and then a week after his 14th month, BAM! Yes he was walking.  So I figured Thing Two might be walking a little later, no problem.  So after month 15 passed I started to go over in my head all of the things that could possibly be why she wasn't walking. Was she scared? Was it physical?  Was it neuroligical? So my mind going a million miles a minute probably was the best thing to do.  For the next month I observed Thing Two closely, every step, every movements.  I tried to encourage her a time or two to let go. 

Thing Two had other ideas.  When I would try to let go of the chubby little hand I could feel the forceful Kung Fu grip on my finger. I even said "Let Go baby!" Okay Thing Two hold on a little longer to mommy.  Inside I was holding on tightly as well. Worry, worry, worry! I think when I worry I manifest it physically as well.  I have had stomach pains and headaches all month.  I am sure there were other factors, but my biggest worry is my children's health and welfare. 

Mami even began to tell me "Ten Fe" (have faith).  I could see the worry in her face as well.  Mami as always has put her faith in her saints and her Catholic beliefs.  So yes Thing Two was in her prayers every night, please let her "Let Go" and walk. Sunday evening rolled around and Thing Two was sitting on her little sofa and playing with her Dora doll.  She tossed her doll a distance and stood up.  No big deal, she does that always.  What came next was more exciting than a rollercoaster!  One, Two, Three, Four steps!  I must have scared her when I yelled Go! Go! Go! She stopped. 

Relief and joy was the overwhelming feeling I felt.  I called Mami over and said, your prayers were answered she "Let Go!".  Mami just smiled and said "It was for you, not for her".  One moment, one joy, and yes I learned to let go and stop worrying so much.  Everything in due time.  Lesson learned Mami, I will loosen my Kung Fu grip.